You’ve been hurt by a very close person in your life – husband or friend or kids or family. And, you have been hurt very badly.
You look around in disbelief, wondering how could that happen to you. You feel betrayed because you have invested a lot of time, energy, emotions and in some cases money in the relationship with this special person.
It feels living a nightmare and nothing makes sense. People around you are going on with their lives while you struggle to understand and come to terms with what happened to you. You feel like you are on a rollercoaster of numbness, pain, anger, and grief.
And when you try to pick up the pieces to move on, the panic, the resentment, the anger again sets in. How in the world do you start reliving with that person who betrayed you or hurt you so badly? How to accept what has happened in the past and move on.
The only sure thing that you know at that moment is you are not going to forgive that person for whatever they have done to you.
Hasn’t that happened to all of us? Hurt, Anger, Grief and Pain and an Intense Desire to Never Forgive. But, does that intense desire not to forgive suck away all the happiness from your life? Do you want your happiness back? If yes, then this story is for you.
I am a life coach who helps people live a more meaningful and enriched life. And, most of my clients are women, who struggle to live a happy life because they are either carrying too much burden or they have been under acute trauma.
Through I for Her, I am reaching out to women community who would like to learn about how to consciously live a happy, peaceful & relaxed life – without any fear, anger, grief or burden? And this story is my first step in that direction.
I am going to take you through the journey of one of my clients, who unburdened her life by exercising an important life skill – FORGIVENESS!
Kiara (name changed), is a professionally successful, smart and intelligent young woman in her early 30s. When she came to me, she explained the stress that she was facing in her life. And, when we dug deeper. We realized the stress was related to her stretched relationships with some key people in her life. She shared how she would go to extremes in relationships – either getting too involved or being completely non-committal. What this led to was people around her getting hurt and eventually distancing from her.
As we started talking I realized she was suffering from anxiety, impulsive decision making and low emotional connect with most people in her life.
Such a behavior and extremes in relationships are typically signs of resentment built over a long time. During early years of our life, when we are learning to form trust and new relationships if we have been hurt multiple times; it may lead us to build friction towards any relationships and this affects our personality. Kiara, unfortunately, was facing the same.
When she came to me for coaching and energy healing sessions – she was completely dejected and avoided talking about any relationships.
Slowly as we built trust, things started to become clearer and she opened up about the bonds she shared with her parents, close friends, and husband.
With every session, we started coming close to know the exact areas where she was deeply affected. Initially, she refused to accept she has a problem in forgiving her own self and others around her. Suddenly during one session, something triggered. And, with the flow of tears came out the details of bitterness she was carrying and how it had shattered her.
Voila! That was the real beginning, she began to talk more about incidences that had left her hurt – her parents not being around when she wanted them the most; her friends rejecting her for being dusky; her husband for not being able to give her time especially when she needed him around.
She narrated multiple instances and that too in such details that I could clearly see why she was carrying all this weight of dejection.
Slowly, we started touching upon each major incident and initiated the healing procedure. Recalling each incident and accepting that the other person may not have meant to hurt her. Overcoming these memories and forgiving them. And for those people who had actually tried to hurt her, it makes all the more sense to let go and focus on inner peace. Yoga, meditation, spending time with self in silence brought mindfulness to Kirara’s life. All these are beneficial tools for unburdening one-self from the cages of damage that might have been caused knowingly or unknowingly.
Forgiveness is “Releasing all emotions and feelings of resentment towards a person or a group of people regardless of whether they actually deserve our forgiveness”.
Practicing forgiveness can lead us to a life filled with happiness. It may look unreal in the beginning, but as we progress it can unfold many layers and bring out the “Real You”.
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent to throw it at someone – you are the one getting burned”, Gautam Buddha once said.
Would you like to get burnt? Of course not. Now imagine carrying a heavy object called “resentment towards a person” and living with it 24*7. Every single second reaping more and more resentment and increasing our burden. It is like keeping someone on rent in your head who is not paying anything, instead, we are paying a huge cost of pain, unhappiness, and bitterness.
This is what we (Kiara and I) started working with. And, I’m happy to say that today we have reached a stage where Kiara seems to have thrown away most of this burden from her life, made peace and forgiven. It’s not like she has become Buddha, but she is leading a happy and meaningful life. I’m sure she will continue to collect some burden as she progresses, but I hope she will be able to keep throwing it off her mind in parallel as well.
Like Kiara if you also want to get rid of your burden, then you can choose to adopt the following 5 tips:
If your mind is not calm and you’re not at peace with yourself, there are chances that you haven’t forgiven people for past hurts.
Once the awareness is here, get determined to let it all go for “yourself”.
Be at peace with self for a healthy life both physically, mentally and emotionally.
If you need support, seek professional help from healers. Don’t be ashamed or worried about going to them with your problems. They are trained to heal or help or support others.
Build loads of positivity within yourself to excel in life.
Second chances are vital for all of us to live life beautifully. This is what life is all about – if you are hurt, forgive; and if you have hurt someone, ask for forgiveness.
It is that simple!
So next time you get upset with someone, ask yourself – “Are you be willing to stay hurt & waste your life OR forgive & move on to a happy and healthy one?”
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Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this post are the personal views of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of I for Her. Authors are responsible for any omissions or errors. And, I for Her does not assume any liability or responsibility for them.