“How can you raise your kids to be successful?”
Every parent has a different answer to this question. But, the most prevalent answer would be if kids succeed at school, they will definitely succeed in the life. And, I was brought up with the same ideology. As a student, I always wanted to strive and achieve more in studies. Because, people around me made me feel that’s what success is – getting more marks than anyone else. No one will care if you have created wonderful painting but the whole family will be worried if you won’t score above 90 in Mathematics exam.
I was trained to enter and excel in a rat race. But life took a different course.
I was mid-way to achieve my dreams when a beautiful thing happened to me – Motherhood. Suddenly, I felt I have achieved everything in life. The life goal to make more money felt so meaningless. The desire to GIVE started overtaking the desire to TAKE. I realized motherhood had changed me in many ways until my kids started going to school.
Strangely, I had the same thought process about success in life as my parents. I pushed them to do well in studies. Because, in India, if you don’t do extraordinarily well in school, you are not going to succeed in life. There were times when I used to feel sad that they were not the toppers in their school and I used to cry about the same. I felt I have failed as a mom because they were not doing great in their studies.
But, things changed when my friends asked me to be proud of my kids as they have turned into extraordinarily human beings. My son and daughter are the best real-life examples of empathy.
The way they have supported their grandparents in handling the discomfort of getting old is commendable. In the age of technology, when kids don’t have time for their parents, because they have to post a picture of their vacation to show the world how cool they are; my kids make sure they are available when their grandparents need them. They have maintained a detailed list of the medicines required by the grandparents. They make sure the medicines are delivered to them before they get over. My son makes sure he is available to take them out for their occasional outings. He also helps them with all their bank work as they are too old to stand in the queue.
My daughter has voluntarily taken a night duty to check on both the grandparents. And, whenever I am unavailable, she turns herself into their own daughter. During the multiple surgeries that my in-laws have undergone, my kids made sure that they are never lonely.
Sometimes I feel, as parents, we surrender to the pressure of society and start underestimating our kids.
We don’t recognize the special gifts of our kids and push them to be like others. Basically, we ask them to be like everyone else. And, if they don’t turn into the kid that our society expects them to be, we call them failures.
Did they fail us or have we failed them?
I will leave that question for you to answer. My kids might not top the subject of Mathematics, but they definitely top the subject of Humanity!
And that makes me a proud mom!
More from I for Her: Dear Parents, Life Is Not A Mathematical Equation It Is An Art
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