Sadly, our Indian society has huge expectations from mothers to share a lot of information with their daughters on how to make the marriage successful. But, it hardly stresses the importance of marriage lessons for the sons on how to lead a healthy and happy marriage.
As it takes two people to run a successful marriage, it would be stupid to expect a marriage to be successful, if our daughters enter into a marriage with great preparation but our sons with none.
In order to ensure my son enters into the marriage, prepared as well as my daughter, I have promised myself that I’ll have a heart to heart conversation with him. During that conversation, I would share important lessons with him so that his wife doesn’t feel the burden of compromises like most of the newly-wed girls.
With time I might add to the list of things that I would like to share with him, but for now, I have shortlisted these 5 important marriage lessons that have helped me and my husband survive the tough times we have faced during our marriage.
#1 Grow up and be a companion
Son, most of the Indian men are never taught the basic fundamental rule of a successful marriage. It is to remember that your wife is not your mother. What does it mean? It means that it is high time to grow up and fulfill your responsibilities like a man.
You need to understand that you were my baby and hence, I was always there to take care of you. But to ensure that your marriage is successful, please understand that you are a companion to your wife. You are equal in the relationship and hence, you need to take care of each other.
The better you two are able to divide your responsibilities and take care of them – the more successful and happier your marriage would be. This means you need to make your own bed now, keep shoes in the rack rather than in the middle of the hall and the wet towel’s relationship with the bed is over. And dividing responsibilities doesn’t mean you don’t extend your support when the other person is not able to cover up his/her ground. Be available for your wife when she needs you.
#2 Never compare your wife with anyone
The worst thing a companion can do is to compare the soulmate to someone else and make him/her feel less or inadequate. The great recipe of a successful marriage involves building each other’s confidence and helping overcome any insecurities.
It doesn’t matter if you are comparing her to others for her cooking skills or managing the finances or the way she dresses up – any comparison will be your first step towards the death of a healthy marriage.
Many men have the tendency to compare their wives with their moms knowingly or unknowingly. So, if you ever go down that lane that you start comparing your wife with me, remember that I’ve more than 30 years of experience in handling the household and being a wife. So give your wife atleast 15 years before passing any judgment. I’m sure she’ll do just great, if not better. Just remember your wife is awesome in her own way and that’s the reason you decided to be together for the rest of your life.
#3 Respect your life partner and her parents as much as you respect us
Knowing you as a person, I know you will always respect your pa & ma. But, remember there is a reason why the wife is being called “BETTER HALF”. She will be standing by your side to face any ups and downs in life. So, she deserves to get as much respect as us.
The foundation of any successful marriage lies in the fact that life partners treat each other as equals. Share everything with her, include her in all your decisions, give importance to her opinions and respect her parents as much as you respect us. You will see how such a small attempt from your side will make her accept you and your family member with ful heart. And, that’s when you will start living the happiest marriage.
#4 Make adjustments for your wife
Your wife has made the biggest sacrifice by bidding goodbye to her family & home and deciding to move in with you. The least you could to make her feel comfortable in the new environment by making minor adjustments.
These adjustments might include changing the room freshener or just ensuring you have water beside your bed when sleeping. Just remember you two are going to spend the rest of your lives together and small things are just what they are – small. If making small changes can bring long-lasting happiness, then why not.
On the emotional side, ensure that you’re making her comfortable when she tries to talk about her feelings. Be a good listener and give her confidence that you’ll always be there for her. Occasionally, surprise her with small gifts and experiences as these small little things can lead to bigger happiness in life.
#5 Love Her Till Eternity
After 15-20 years of marriage, your beautiful wife might not look the same. Her hair might turn grey, her face might have wrinkles and she might not have the same glow on her skin. Make sure you love her more every day. Because it’s not the beauty in her hair or face that matters, but the love she has in her eyes for you.
You must love her back unconditionally. Invest all the time and energy you could to keep your relationship young and strong. Keep planning surprises for her, make her laugh and take her out on vacations. Tell her how much you love her even when she isn’t at her best – when she wakes up in the morning or when she has just come out of the kitchen.
Your dad and I have put a lot of effort in our marriage to make sure it feels like a dream and not like a compromise. Both of us have made adjustments to make sure we build a happy and healthy marriage. But I have seen many friends of mine, whose husbands haven’t put any effort in the marriage because they never knew the recipe of ‘happy and healthy marriage’. I wish their moms would have told them the secret because sons also need to know it as much as our daughters or daughters-in-law.
Oh and one last thing! Son, the way you treat your wife shows a lot about how we have raised you. Only a man raised by a queen can treat his wife as a princess. If you treat her with disrespect or hate, it would mean that I have failed as a mother.
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