Losing your parents is never easy! It is a nightmare that we wish no one has to live through but eventually, everyone does. It takes a lot of courage to hold the parents’ memories when you know you can’t hold their hands anymore.
After losing my mother to sudden heart attack, I was finding it difficult to overcome my grief – to stop feeling incomplete – to stop feeling the constant emptiness and pain.
And, after 6 months, when my family and friends felt I was doing a terrible job at handling my grief, they suggested that I should desperately start looking out for ways to feel better before I lose it.
Like everyone else, I turned myself to the internet to find solutions and ways.
At that moment, I stumbled over Sonu Sood’s 2 emotional letters written for his late mother & father.
And, I can’t tell you how much these letters helped me. I realized that I wasn’t the only one who feels that time will never heal me or cursing myself for not being there for my mother during her last phase.
The first letter that he wrote to his mother on her 10th death anniversary had me literally in tears. Because it helped me understand that it is fine to feel that pain, it is fine to feel that emptiness in your heart, it is fine to remember her as your pillar of strength.
In his emotional letter that he posted on Twitter on 13th October 2017, he says:
It’s been 10 years… Ten long years since I last saw you. I never knew that October 13, 2007 will be the most ill-fated date in my life. You were my pillar, my strength, my pride someone who knew everything.
All that you said years back came true Maa. I became an actor, someone who wanted to make his parents proud and I did that to an extent mom, I am still giving my hundred per cent and I promise I won’t give up, after all I’m the only son of professor Saroj Sood, someone who taught the whole world how to live their dreams.
My only regret in my life, that I will take to my grave will be that I was not around you on your last day.
I know you must have wanted me to be there, but Maa poor you, even you didn’t know that we don’t have time.
And you never wanted to bother me also I know that, but you should have Maa… You should have bothered me. I would have flown to you and would had never let you go.
Read it somehwere in your books only “Time is the best healer.” It’s not true Maa… not true at all.
There has been not a single day that I didn’t miss you. The scars of your loss are as fresh as they were 10 years ago. And will not change till my last breath.
Maa just promise me that you will come as m mom i nevery birth. Because now I will have to wait for my next birth to see you fast.
God knows when the time will come when I will be able to hug you and cry aloud.
Just take care of yourself whereever you and till I see you. Then I will take care of you.
I wanted to seek more validation that what I was going through was a real feeling. When I started looking for more, I found another letter that he recently wrote to her mother and father.
In the letter, he painfully captures the feeling of emptiness that every kid goes through whose parents missed watching them succeed.
“Today when I sit and attend congratulatory calls from so many people on the success of my new movie, there is one call I miss the most, a call from u both.
A call that always came on all my little achievements whenever they happened. From signing my first movie to winning my first award, from scoring good marks to winning a medal in my college. Those calls meant so much to me.
Those calls motivated me to work hard and make you proud. Those calls helps me survive in my lonely moments.
Today when the breeze of success hits me. It hits me so hard because I find myself standing alone without you.
Your smile filled with pride while watching my films was my biggest reward.
I had promised myself to reach my goals faster so I can enjoy that phase of life with you but I think I took a bit longer and by then you were gone.
Today everything feels incomplete without you.
Wish I could sit in a theatre with you and watch my film. The applause and whistles would have justified the time that I had spent away from you during my struggling days.
Never understood why we achieve things in life so late, when the parents for whom we wanted to are not with us anymore. Maybe God has his own plans.
Yes God fails sometimes with his plans too. That’s the time I feel like saying “Bhaiya bada kamina hai Tu”.
Success came but for whom I worked hard for so many years couldn’t enjoy it. Sometimes I feel I failed as a son.
Sometimes I fell wish I could have made this happen faster. I am sorry mom and dad. I miss you everyday when I succeed. I miss u everyday when I fail. Will still work harder to make you more proud. Stay happy wherever you are.
I know you are making things happen the way they are happening for me now. Love u loads and miss you infinite. See you someday for sure.
With mom and dad around, life would have been MIND-ICH-BLOWING. SONU”.