“Reena, please stop crying. Even if mummy has said something to you, you don’t have to take everything seriously and cry. Whenever my parents say anything to you, you start crying. I am tired of listening to your complaints and seeing you weeping all the time. Mummy is right that you keep crying in front of me to manipulate me and turn me against my parents. But, that won’t happen. I am an emotional person, but not so stupid that I would let you control me with your fake tears!”, my husband Sumit slammed the door and walked out of the room!
I kept wondering if I can’t share my emotions with my husband when I am hurt, with whom should I? When I can’t share my pain with my husband, with whom should I? When I can’t even share my frustration, my sadness, my disappointment with him, then what’s the point of this marriage? What’s the point of this relationship, when you can’t share your vulnerabilities and wounds?
But I wasn’t the first wife who was blamed by her husband for manipulating him just because she cried her heart out; I wasn’t the first daughter-in-law blamed by in-laws for manipulating their son.
But, what I couldn’t understand is why is it so difficult for men to understand that their wives don’t cry to manipulate them; they cry because of the hurt; because of the pain; because of the unfairness that they go through!
I wish every man understands that wives don’t want to turn their husbands against their parents; they don’t want them to ill-treat their parents; they don’t want to abandon their parents, but what they want is to stop the abuse that they go through; what they want is to stop the ill-treatment towards their own wives; what they want is to share their pain with someone, who can comfort them and give them courage – the courage to move forward in the relationship; the hope that things would be better; the support that they are not alone in the marriage! And, if that someone couldn’t be their life partner then who that should be?
With the desire of not letting the world know about her pain; because she doesn’t want to bring dishonour to her husband’s family name; she has just one emotional outlet – that’s her husband. And, when her husband also refuses to hear her out; refuses to wipe off her tears – where should she go?
Promised to be soulmates; promised to take care of each other in the worst phase of life; it is heartbreaking how many husbands fail their wives as they blind themselves to their pain.
I hope someday, Indian men will understand that their wives don’t cry to emotionally control them; they cry because they are hurt and disappointed. I wish one day, Indian men will understand the real meaning of marriage is about being a team – a team where both the parties respect each other; where both the parties comfort each other; where both the parties save each other from the pain; where both the parties are there for each other, even when there is no one for them!