It is heartbreaking how sometimes we blind ourselves to the misery of someone who is being victimized by the people we love. It isn’t easy to take a stand against the very same people, who showered you with endless love and happiness. It isn’t easy to accept that people who love you so much could be so cruel to someone else.
While many may be right for blaming husbands for not taking a stand against their own family, I just want to confess it isn’t easy – emotionally and morally! Truthfully, at least it wasn’t easy for me to accept that my parents and sister could treat my wife so harshly.
I got married to Megha in 2018. And, it was a love marriage but with the consent of both the families. I was so happy when none of my parents raised any objection and got ready to accept my wife as a part of our family. But sadly, that was only a part of their act!
It took me almost 4 years to understand why Megha was unhappy in our marriage; why Megha kept complaining; why Megha had so many issues with my family and sister. For almost 2 years, I kept telling Megha that she needs to give it more time; that she needs to make more effort to seek acceptance; that she needs to ignore let some things go!
I reached a point where I had started blaming Megha for being too touchy! I blinded myself to the pain of the person who left everything for me! The reason being that I struggled to accept that my parents could even be at fault. For being a good son, I was trying hard that my parents shouldn’t make any adjustments because of marriage! My attempt to be a good son, made Megha overburdened with the endless list of adjustments!
It took me whole 2 years to reach to the conclusion that my parents are wrong; that Megha doesn’t deserve to be ill-treated; that the person who left everything for me had no space in my house! And, the major culprit behind Megha’s suffering wasn’t my parents’ ill-treatment but my blindness to her pain!
Megha left her house and parents for me. She left everything for me to begin a new life. But in her new life, she was made to be so alone! My parents had an endless list of rules that Megha had to follow – From how she should dress up to how she should say things to how she should stay silent when relatives visit us! Doesn’t matter how good Megha’s suggestions were – my parents would refuse! While she was trying hard to make a place for herself in her new home, but neither my parents nor my sister was ready to give her any!
On multiple occasions, she was reminded that she was an outsider; she was reminded how it wasn’t her parents’ house and how she should just learn how to do things in a new way! While Megha made sure my parents were comfortable and happy, my parents never left a stone unturned to make her life hell!
Things got worse when my parents asked Megha to leave her job and stay at home because my mother wanted a break from household responsibilities. While I welcomed my mother’s decision, I had issues with my parents forcing Megha to leave her job. My mother enjoyed being a housewife, but Megha had different plans for her life.
When Megha refused multiple times that she won’t quit her job, my mother made a scene and called her bad names. And it was in that moment, that I realized I need to take a stand for Megha; that she deserved better; that she made space for me and my family in her life; but my house didn’t have space for her or her dreams! To give my mother some rest from household responsibilities, we’ve hired a maid responsibilities and Megha is working on her dream of becoming a VP in her firm.
Dear Men, Our wives deserve better! Be a good son but don’t become a bad husband! Someone who has left everything for you, deserves you as much as your parents do! Don’t fail her because she is striving hard not to fail you or your family!