This patriarchal mindset of Indian Marriages makes young women victims as they seek their life partner through the process of arranged marriages.
It is disappointing how our society’s regressive thinking shames and judges women during the process of arranged marriages. It is so harsh and shameless that it breaks their confidence. These young women face harsh judgments about their body appearances – color, weight, structure that makes them feel less of themselves.
One such story is of this young woman. She faced harsh judgments from our society, which feels it’s their birthright to judge and harass women for their appearances. This bride-to-be shared her traumatic experience of being fat-shamed by the boy and her mother. She shared with HoB how she stood for herself and her-dignity:
“We met last year on a matrimonial site. I asked him if he’s okay with dating a slightly heavy girl, and he said, ‘Of course, you’re beautiful!’
Initially, things were great. He made me laugh so much. We told our parents about each other, and then met every alternate day. A month later, our parents met. That’s when we fixed our wedding. The meeting went great, but his mom held my hand and said, ‘You’re a nice girl, but you must lose weight.‘ I felt slightly uncomfortable but took it positively.
A few days later, he stopped replying to my texts. My birthday was coming up, so I thought he was planning a surprise. But he didn’t respond for 2 months. I called him repeatedly– no answer. That was the first birthday I spent crying all day. I felt broken.
Finally, he called and said, ‘Sorry, I got busy with work’. But he’d read all my texts. He kept apologising and begged me to take him back. He said he was lost. So I decided to give him another chance.
For the first few weeks, things went back to normal. But then, he started picking fights for no reason. He’d joke about my weight and then blame me for getting offended. Once on New Year’s Eve, he invited me to a party with his cousins. I got dressed in jeans, and he said, ‘Nobody wants to see your fat butt.’ He asked me not to come. I stayed in and cried all night. He begged me to forgive him the next day, again. I was so vulnerable– I gave him another chance.
But in a few weeks, he went to Delhi and stopped talking to me again. He blocked me on Whatsapp, and then in a few days unblocked me and started picking fights. He’d randomly tell me I have no self-respect and said things like, ‘No store will have your size.’
Soon after, his mom called and yelled at me for not losing weight. She said, ‘I told you repeatedly, it’s too late now.’ She called off the wedding.
Everything was crystal clear. It was my weight all along. I should’ve known. He ruined my birthday, my New Years; he wasted a year of my life. I felt miserable. I didn’t want to step out of my house; still, mom took me out for dinners. She even took me to Lonavala.
My friend would call and check up on me everyday. Around then, I started painting, reading and playing with street dogs to take my mind off things.
Just a few weeks back, I woke up to multiple texts from him. He abused his mom and blamed his parents for our break-up. His texts gave me anxiety and I told him that it was over and to not contact me again.
I don’t regret giving him a second chance before; it was a learning experience. Seeing how miserable I’d become made me want to shower myself with love. It made me love my love handles, my chubby cheeks, my ‘fat’ butt– every bit of me. And honestly, I’d rather eat a slice of cake guilt-free than put up with some superficial guy criticising me for it for the rest of my life. No thank you!”
It is not just her, but millions of women across the world also suffer from low self-esteem or mental illness as they become victims of body-shaming. It is not just strangers but their own family members and friends who pass hurtful remarks without knowing how they are breaking their confidence and self-esteem. Recently, Sameera Reddy, Neha Dhupia, and many more came forward to share how they became victims of body-shaming themselves after their motherhood journey.
We at IFORHER, have a humble request for all our readers.
If you know someone struggling with bodyweight, please remember they need your support and confidence rather than your hurtful comments!