Even though we are living in the 21st century, our society still expects a woman to compromise on every aspect of her life after marriage. It is heartbreaking to see how society expects even educated & independent women to bow down to the unrealistic demands of in-laws.
Earlier, Indian women were raised to give up on their dreams, desires, and life after marriage. They were also raised to accept that they are ‘Paraya Dhan’. And after marriage, their life belonged to the husband, in-laws, and kids.
But thanks to changing times and great parenting, many strong and independent women are not ready to give up on their dreams for marriage.
Unlike the earlier generation, the women of this generation don’t accept anything less than the equal partnership in relationships. And they are not scared to stay single till the time they don’t find someone who sees them as equal.
One such brave woman shared her inspiring story on HoB. She refused to accept the unrealistic expectations of her to-be in-laws and decided to prioritize her parents and her dignity over marriage.
“Last year, I started talking to this guy on a matrimonial site. I was 27 and ready to think about marriage. We had a lot in common. 4 days later, he sent me a bouquet! From there, we video called every day. He was so funny and good looking! I was excited to meet him, but we lived in different cities.
But 2 weeks later, he got a job transfer to Mumbai! We met for the first time when I picked him up at the airport– Hugging him gave me butterflies. We went out for dinner and it was clear- we were in love.
We met each other’s parents; that went great too. So we decided not to wait and got engaged.
But soon, I started noticing changes. He got angry faster, and whenever we were together he’d be texting.
One day I saw his phone and read texts from his mom saying, ‘How will she adjust with us?’, ‘She’ll split the family’, ‘She won’t do any work.’”
“Her disapproval showed in her actions too. When I’d go to his house, she wouldn’t talk to me. Once, she called me saying she had back pain, so I told her to come to the hospital by 11 so I could treat her– I’m a physiotherapist. A few minutes later, he called me, screaming about how I had the audacity to ‘order’ his mother to come at a certain time. He told me I’ve got a shit upbringing and no work ethic.
Once, when I had plans with my family, she complained of back pain again and made me cancel my plans. She didn’t want me to work on weekends, but that was impossible since I worked at the hospital. She told me, ‘We are your first priority, even before your parents’.”
“That was my breaking point. I couldn’t take it anymore, and called off the engagement. To that he said he didn’t want it either, but that we should do it for ‘society’. I felt lost, who had I fallen in love with? I wished he’d stand up for me, but he didn’t even let me stand up for myself.
For a week, I cried all the time and didn’t talk to anyone. Things got better eventually. My parents said they didn’t think we were right for each other, but they wanted to support me. I threw myself into work and began working out.
A few months later, I saw on Facebook that he’d gotten married. I brushed off my feelings and realised it wasn’t worth it. Seeing him move on so fast gave me closure.
I’m 29 now, and my parents want me to marry soon. But I want to do it only when I’m 100% sure. I’m open to finding love again, but not at the cost of belittling myself. My self-respect is not up for grabs — and anyone who thinks it is, wasn’t meant to be in my life in the first place.”
At IFORHER, we applaud her courage to stand up for herself, her dignity, and her dreams. We wish the best for her life and hope her story will inspire many young women. Every woman needs to be with someone who lifts them higher, not pulls them down!