Even though we are living in 2019, our society still expects a woman to compromise on every aspect of her life after marriage. It is disheartening to see how society expects even educated & independent women to bow down to the unrealistic demands of in-laws. Earlier, Indian women were raised to give up on their dreams, desires, and life after marriage. They were also raised to accept that after marriage, her life belonged to her husband, in-laws, and kids.
But, thanks to changing times and great parenting, many strong and independent women are not ready to give up on their dreams for marriage.
Unlike the earlier generation, the women of this generation don’t accept anything less than equal partnership in relationships. And, they are not scared to stay single till the time they don’t find someone who sees them as equals. One such brave woman shared her inspiring story on HoB. She refused to accept the unrealistic expectations of her to-be in-laws and decided to prioritise her career over marriage.
“I connected with Anubhav through a matrimonial site. We decided to meet up – we clicked really well and ended up talking for 6 hours!
Our offices were close by, so we‘d meet for chai breaks and after work too! Being with him felt so natural – we decided to take it ahead and told our parents.
His parents lived in Delhi, so we decided to introduce the families there. But the minute we sat down, his father started off on how I needed to stop eating onion and garlic.
I had to move to Delhi immediately after marriage – I did know that at some point Anubhav wanted to live with his parents, but I thought that we’d be making that decision as a couple.
They expected me to have dinner with them every day at 8 PM. Literally all I could do was gape at him! We weren’t even engaged and I was already being told about the dinner schedule after marriage.
But what they said next, was even worse; they wanted us to have kids in 2-3 months and wanted me to quit my job!
My mom couldn’t take it anymore and said that I’d worked very hard for my career. How could I give it up?
That didn’t sit well with his father – he had an image about his daughter-in-law in his mind and I had to fit in that. His words shocked everyone into silence. Eventually, we stepped out of the room to discuss everything.
We called Anubhav out too – he understood where we were coming from and offered to talk to his parents. He spoke to them and called me in. But when I requested his parents to give us space to make our personal decisions as a couple, his mom got offended.
Things ended awkwardly, and we left for home the next day.
When Anubhav returned a week later, we met a couple of times to discuss the situation. But to my shock and horror, the same guy who was supportive of my career was now asking me to give it up! Simply because his parents didn’t approve of it.
He even said giving up onion and garlic wasn’t a big deal, so I shouldn’t make it one.
The final blow was when he point-blank asked me to stop working because he was earning more than me anyway. Which just came out of nowhere, because we always spoke about starting our own firm since the two of us, his sister and brother-in-law were all lawyers. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing…
So, I stepped back, and called it off.
I couldn’t marry someone who changes his opinions just to appease his parents. I spent a lot of time thinking if I should have agreed to their terms, but I knew that being true to myself was the most important thing for me. I’m the first woman in my family to have a job – I’m proud of who I am and what I’ve become.
I need someone in my life who respects that; someone who’s going to lift me higher, not pull me down.”
At IFORHER, we are applauding her courage to stand up for herself and her dreams. We wish the best for her life & career, and hope her story will inspire many young women to be with someone who lifts them higher, not pulls them down!
