Marriage is a word that gives sleepless nights to many parents. And, then the parents make sure that they transfer their stress to their kids and give them sleepless nights too!
“Sweta, even your younger cousin got married! Beta, you should get married too! Stop wasting your time! Once this time will go, you will regret. Because no good rishta will come once you turn 28 in 2 years.”
“Mom, I am not ready yet. I don’t think I am ready to be into a marriage. I want to focus on my career now. I do understand marriage is important, but I am not ready.”
“I am fed up with your generation. What does it even mean – I am not ready for marriage! Marriage isn’t something you need to get ready for! You can’t prepare yourself for it!”
“No Ma, I can! I don’t want to be with someone just because I am 26 and I won’t get good rishta. I need to be in marriage because I should feel the need to share life with someone!”
“I don’t understand you Sweta. Don’t cry later on when everyone is married and you would be left all alone with your computer and a broken heart!”
My mother’s lack of empathy towards my dreams left me disappointed. But what would you say to a woman, who has been bombarded by the same question everywhere she goes – “When Sweta will get married? Why you don’t say anything to her? She won’t get any good match later. Tell her not to be stupid… etc. etc.”
It breaks my heart how society blames her for raising a strong daughter who knows what she wants.
It’s been two years since that conversation. My cousin, who got married is living with her parents now. Reason being that she believes she got married in hurry.
She didn’t think it through. She got married into a conservative business class family who prefers women to be in the kitchen than being in an office. Neither she, nor her job, nor her dreams got any respect in her marriage.
Just because she was 24, her parents forced her into a marriage that she wasn’t ready for. But, who cares? Her parents were ready to get her married! So, she was 24 and married! And now, she is 26 and separated!
It is heartbreaking how my cousin is trying so hard to put her life together. Her fighting spirit is quite inspiring. But it makes me wonder how our parents, in blind love to please the society, push their own daughters into unhappy and sad life.
So, here is my message to every daughter:
Don’t get married when your parents are ready! Get married only when you are ready! Make sure you commit yourself to your dreams and happiness before you commit yourself to another person!
Love and marriage are beautiful. But, so are your dreams. So, don’t let anyone pressurize you into marriage. Don’t let anyone force you to give up on your dreams. Because, people who love you, should love you, your dreams, and your aspirations!
We know you love your daughters a lot. So, why sacrifice them in the fear of ‘log kya kahengey!’ Please stand with us. Please be the wind under our wings! Please let us fly! Because if you don’t, then who will?