Unlike many other Indian parents, who are obsessed with the marriage of their sons and daughters, I don’t care when my daughter will get married.
I just want her to be happy – with or without a husband.
Those, who have already labeled me as a bad mom, you definitely need to read this and stop bothering me with the unnecessary questions like:
“So, when is your daughter getting married?”
“She is 28, she should hurry otherwise she will remain unmarried”
“When will she get married?s
“You shouldn’t have given her so much of freedom, now see, she is unmarried when all her cousins are married”
My Dear Society, Please shut the f*** up!
I do understand that it must be hard for you to let a single, independent woman enjoying life on her own terms.
But my daughter’s marriage is her own business, not yours.
So, stop wasting your energy asking me when is she going to get married!
Stop lecturing me or my family on her marriage saying “her time is running out?
Stop criticizing her choices in life just because she refuses to follow your norms!
And, stop labeling her as “Bechari” assuming that she is not happy with her well-paid job, successful career, and independence!
You can label me as a bad mother as I raised a liberal and independent girl. I don’t care.
Because, I do understand it would take you ages to understand how my strong, independent little girl doesn’t need your concept of marriage to be happy.
My daughter knows – Marriage is a choice and she should marry when she is ready for it!
Unlike many Indian parents, I forgot (on purpose) to teach my daughters that marriage is the most important thing in their life.
Oh, I also forgot to teach her how she should listen to your instructions on how to lead life!
I also forgot to teach her your patriarchal values – prioritize society expectations above your own happiness!
Yes, I am a bad mother (didn’t I say that earlier)!
But I have a question for you.
Why you always ask me about her age or her marriage, why you don’t ask me about her education or her career?
I have raised a daughter, who knows how to take her decisions independently. I have raised a daughter who doesn’t need your constant reminders about her age or her biological clock.
While you are worried about her marriage, she is merrily discovering her capabilities, intelligence, and potential.
While you worry about her shelf life, she is busy creating her own identity.
So, I know you eagerly want to know will she ever get married?
Honestly, I don’t know!
She will get married whenever she is ready and finds a partner who is loving, caring, and mindful of her needs. Like many other daughters, I don’t want to pressurize her to tie the knot randomly and be insulted, criticized, disregarded and ignored, or beaten, and treated like a punching bag. Because at that time, you will ask her to adjust to the abuse, which is another thing I forgot to teach her!
I don’t want to see her broken, bruised, and powerless! I don’t want to see her in a marriage of fear, hate, and depression!
Rather I want to see her happy – married or single – I hardly care!
You may call me a bad mother but my daughter feels I am one of the most supportive and caring mothers. Frankly, I don’t care what you think. All that matters to me is what my daughter feels about me!
I secretly long for the day when a whole generation of Indian women will stand for themselves. And they will not let society dictate her decisions about marriage or kids.
Why am I writing this letter?
For centuries, society has been regulated by the process of conditioning women to lead a life as per its terms.
When to get married?
When to have your first child? When to have your second?
When to get your daughter married? When to get your son married?
When to ask your kids to make your grandkids?
Frankly, as I see my young daughter happily failing at all these milestones set by society, I feel it’s time to let our young generation to live life on their own terms.
So My Dear Society, I suggest you take a walk and not bother my daughter or me. Because we have learned to live life on our own terms. We hope you’ll learn it too!