Thanks for failing me and millions of other girls, who could have been much more and lived a life of dignity and respect, if you didn’t raise us to tolerate in silence. Because suffering in silence makes us ‘Sanskaari’!
Since our birth, you push our parents to worry about our marriage. Because even if we are well educated, marriage seems to be our end goal. We were sent to the best schools and raised to be strong and independent. But when it comes to marriage – the most common advice given to us is – Be Patient. Adjust. Compromise. Tolerate. Repeat!
When we told you, that we don’t get respect in marriage, you said – “Be patient. Things will get better with time!”
When we told you, that we have been emotionally abused, you said – “He didn’t hit you! Shaadi mein toh yeh sab chalta hi rehta hai!”
When we told you about how we were physically abused, you said – “You can’t be weak. Be strong for your kids! Shadi ko nibhana padta hai bachoon ke liye.”
It is heartbreaking how at every step, you told us to keep holding the pain in our heart and adjust and adapt endlessly until we fit in. When we were devoid of respect, even after being financially independent, you reminded us of the value of marriage in our society.
So, even when we didn’t get love, we cried endlessly and felt lonely and hollow.
And, even when we had a desire to stand for ourselves, you either labeled us as ‘badatmeez‘ or a person who lack traditional values!
Dear Society, Why do you expect daughters to suffer in silence, rather than standing for themselves? The women who show that courage, you either question their upbringing or label them as characterless?
It is sad how even in 21st century, you still hold the rudimentary patriarchal values so high. I believe it is high time, you readjust the lens with which you measure the character of a woman who stands for herself. And, it wouldn’t happen until you start raising your daughters with the right set of value:
Stop telling her to suffer endlessly; Rather speak up!
Teach her that her happiness and respect are not conditional!
Stop telling her to tolerate any kind of abuse; Rather teach her to fight for her dignity!
Teach her that no relationship is ever more important than her own happiness and peace!
Stop telling her to adjust in marriage and make her marriage work; Rather marriage is mutual and needs to be equal!
Teach her courage to defend herself, rather looking up to her husband to defend her!
Teach her when to tolerate and when to show assertion!
Teach her when to sacrifice and when to stand for herself!
Most importantly, when she stands for herself, stand with her not against her!
Hope, one fine day our women would be proud to be born in our society. Till then our society needs to do a load of work!
Dear Society, All the best! I hope you will make us proud soon!
Badatmeez Girl With No Sanskaar
A humble request to our readers:
IFORHER’s Open letters series capture articles contributed by our community members’ with the objective to share their deepest feelings with the community. If you can relate to them, please don’t forget to drop a message for the writer.
And if you don’t please don’t judge them. We all go through different struggles in life. Just because we don’t have that struggle doesn’t mean their struggle isn’t real.
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this post are the personal views of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of I for Her. Authors are responsible for any omissions or errors. And, IforHer does not assume any liability or responsibility for them.