Last week, after a long time we planned to catch up with my husband’s friend and their wives. We were very excited to meet each other but as soon as we reached there, we got to know one of our friend couples won’t be joining us they were undergoing a divorce. They were struggling in a marriage for a long time, but during the lockdown, things got worse. The couple decided that they couldn’t stay together and would be better to walk on their separate paths.
Even though we were all well-educated grown-ups working in MNC, how we approached the topic of a couple’s divorce shocked me.
“Ritu must have initiated it. She was too ambitious to be a good wife or a good mother.”, said the wife of one of my husband’s friends.
Agreeing to her belief, the other wife chimes in: “Do you remember how Sachin would serve us tea and snacks while she sits with us during a meet at her home?”
“How could she choose to divorce a husband like Sachin? Sachin is a man of every woman’s dream! He cooks such a great mutton curry!”, the other wife shared her expert comment on the divorce!
“But, Ritu should have thought about her daughter! The kids from broken marriages suffer so much emotionally and socially. Those kids are isolated from their friends’ circle at school. And, then there is another level of struggle when you have to get them married! And, especially for girls with divorced parents is really tough to find the right groom to marry!”, the other woman announced her verdict.
I was hearing this conversation and getting disappointed in us. Without knowing any facts, how quick these women were to jump to blame Ritu and hail Sachin.
They were ready to justify how Ritu should have suffered in marriage for her daughter; They were ready to label Ritu as a bad wife or a bad mother just because she was courageous enough to turn her dreams into reality; They were ready to shame Ritu just because she wanted to be treated as an equal partner!
In the meanwhile, the husbands were supporting Sachin left, right, and center.
“He is so successful that he would find anyone once again very easily! Anyone would be lucky to be with him!”, my husband’s friend said!
“Arrey, he was sacrificing so much for her. He said no to an assignment in Australia so that Ritu could set her business! He did so much for them and see what he got in return!”, Another man announced his feelings on the matter!
“On a lighter note, he will be a free bird again who doesn’t have to run and dance at the tunes of Mrs. He can go on any tours and he can meet us anytime he wants now!”, another male friend said with a grin on his face without realizing how he was being a misogynist.
“Divorce hits man the most. Women can file false harassment cases or dowry cases. Even our laws favor women! Doesn’t matter how much you do for them, when you refuse to bow down to their demands, they will get you reported under fake cases! Haven’t you heard so many false harassment cases are filed by women so that they can get good compensation or alimony from men! Such a pathetic system! Poor Sachin!”, one more misogynist thought thrown around the table!
“Let’s plan to meet him sometime. He would definitely enjoy a men’s day out. We can have some beers, watch some cricket, and chill in the backyard of my house!”, my husband announced a plan to rescue his friend.
This made me wonder, while women were busy tearing another woman apart, men were uniting to support their kind! With their patriarchal mindset. They decided that they are going to be by Sachin’s side, doesn’t matter if he is right or wrong!
Once again, in front of me, patriarchy won! It’s a very prevalent pattern: Women are divided. Always. Men are united. Always.
We watch women judging other women every day. Be it our workplace or at our homes, women would judge women and tear them down. Be it mother-in-law tearing down daughter-in-law or sister-in-law judging and tear daughter-in-law or vice versa!
But, when it comes to men, not only men but also women would come to their rescue and support them! I wonder why? I wonder why we can’t be loyal to our kind as men are! I wonder why we can’t be accepting of other women’s flaws as men are! Probably, this is the only thing that I would love women to learn from men!
Dear Women, please stop hating other women because of your fear, envy, jealousy, lack of self-esteem and confidence. I am not asking you to support a woman just because she is a woman. I am asking you to stop blaming her or tearing her down just because she is a woman!