Being a woman in our patriarchal society isn’t easy. It is heartbreaking how our regressive society label woman who stands for herself & her dignity as badatmeez or unsanskari. But many parents are refusing to stick to the regressive thought-process and teaching their daughters to stand for themselves.
One such mother wrote an open letter to society on why she refuses to raise her daughter to be a good daughter-in-law!
As my daughter is about to turn 1 in a month, I couldn’t stop but imagine how quickly she is growing up. It feels like it was a matter of yesterday when the little strip of joy gave me the best news of my life – that I was about to become a mother. My heart swelled with so much love & pride when I first held her in my arms. But soon the fear of raising a daughter in our patriarchal society covered me. I couldn’t stop but imagine how I am going to make sure that my daughter has the best life of dignity, love, and happiness.
Like many of us, as she would grow up, she will realize that being a woman in a patriarchal society isn’t easy.
Whatever strata of society one belongs to, whatever age, qualification, it is not easy for any of us – physically, mentally, and socially. It is not only the society that pulls us down, but also our own family. They make it difficult for women to lead a happy life. How our own parents, our in-laws, and husband demand the right over our life is unbearable.
You may be brought up as an independent, modern woman, but we are always reminded that Marriage is the ultimate goal. And being a Sanskari Bahu or a good daughter-in-law is our Karma.
It is heart-breaking how even well-educated parents treat their daughters as Paraya Dhan. They may not say it, but deep down, they only regard themselves as a successful parent, if their daughter manages to handle her marital responsibilities well. Doesn’t matter whether you hold a Ph.D. degree or work in an MNC at a senior position, for many of us success is gauged by how well we take care of our in-laws, husband, and kids. And if you ever use your education to counter a regressive thought-process, you would be either label as sanskarri or badatmeez.
As a mother of a one-year-old daughter, I have promised myself not to raise my daughter to be a good daughter-in-law. And here are my reasons:
1. Good daughter-in-law is selfless, who sacrifices her own dreams and happiness for the family! She is expected to be there for everyone...But who is there for her when she is in need…No one.
2. Good daughter-in-law gives up her freedom of speech and chose to stay silent when she should speak up
3. Good daughter-in-law accepts abuse and emotional trauma for the sake of ghar ki izzat!
10. Good daughter-in-law chooses home, over work. Every single time!
If you are also of the part of that regressive and patriarchal society, who believes above is being sanskari or a good daughter-in-law. Then I have a request for you – in case you ever look for a so-called “good daughter-in-law”, please don’t even think of considering my daughter.
Because like many independent and strong moms, I would raise my daughter to stand for herself, fight for her dignity, and not letting people treat her like a doormat. After this if society wants to label her as a badatmeez or unsanskari, then, believe me, I would be the proudest mother ever!