It’s very common in Indian households for women to eat at the last, once everyone else has finished their meal. But how fair is this practice? And, how unhealthy is it? From time to time, when we have asked our mothers why they follow such regressive practice, they are quick to point out that they don’t mind waiting to eat and ask us to focus on our food. While they don’t mind doing it for sake of their love for the family, how fair is it for the person, who selflessly cooks for the whole family, and eats only after everyone has eaten?
It is quite sad how women are raised to be selfless; how they are conditioned to think about everyone else before themselves. And, that’s the reason why many blindly follow this regressive practice in name of family love. Discussing this very same regressive practice, a Twitter thread went viral recently.
Twitter user Anshika Malik has posted about the social norm was so interesting to come across.
People say ‘Ladies first’
— Anshika Malik (@malikanshika43) June 11, 2022
But my mom eats at last
And, here’s how many responded to this tweet. While some accepted how patriarchal the norm is, the others discussed how they ensure their mother never eats alone.
That has been a tradition in our culture which needs to be changed.
— Vishwas Sambhus (@SambhusVishwas) June 12, 2022
We always eat together. Sometimes us kids eat earlier but my parents always eat together. They wait for each other. 🤷🏻
— Satwik Gawand 🦄 (@satwikgawand) June 12, 2022
Not just food, my parents drink their morning and evening coffee/tea together as well. pic.twitter.com/DUn7h5noGC
It has to change.
— Nila (@Nila_Dr) June 12, 2022
This is the sad truth babout our Indian Society where goddesses are worshiped in idols but the real goddess is deprived of their respect , i.e. our mom , sister , wife ,etc
— AAYUSHPANDAY (@Samael_Reborn) June 12, 2022
Plus, no one would know whether she ate or not
— 🇮🇳Ritu Jain🇮🇳 (@RituJaz81) June 13, 2022
After so many argument and all, i am able to make her eat on time and not to wait for anyone.😇😇
— हिन्दू नही, कट्टर हिन्दू 🚩 (@indian_1004) June 12, 2022
In my case i never let that happen nor my other family members. You gotta volunteer sometimes
— ordinary bloke (@abhisharma24798) June 12, 2022
Tumaye ghar me patriarchy pasri hui hai.
— Amogh Balak (@AmoghBalak) June 12, 2022
Ghar ghar ki yahhi kahani
— Bhakt (@vvekx) June 12, 2022
We changed it. Now I and my sister eat last or if she cannot eat first when some guests arrive then we accompany her, she never eats alone and last when there are people at home 🙂
— Swapnil 💫 (@swapnildecodes) June 12, 2022
Wish mothers cared for themselves as much as they do for others
— Anushree Acharya 🌊 (@captainempath) June 12, 2022
I wait for my mother , we always eat together 🙂
— Abhay (@abhayahuja4) June 12, 2022
I too wait for my wife to join us. She says, you start I will join. By the time she joins us, i would have finished. So, now insisting her to sit first.
— Hanees Mohammed (@Hanees) June 12, 2022
It is a kind of slavery practice in home itself. Not allowing Indian wives to eat before husband and not sitting with husband. the irony is they cook food and eat last. They call it culture?😺
— Jagan A (@j_ajagan) June 12, 2022
You are also woman why did you never asked your mom to sit with you and eat? 🤔
I don’t remember if this has happened in my house.
— Akash (@Aeroguyyy) June 11, 2022
Either she eats with us or no one’s having..we wait:)
This is the sad truth babout our Indian Society where goddesses are worshiped in idols but the real goddess is deprived of their respect , i.e. our mom , sister , wife ,etc
— AAYUSHPANDAY (@Samael_Reborn) June 12, 2022
But, sadly, there were some people, who didn’t shy away from justifying the practice. While mothers choose to nurture their family and kids at their own cost, it is a matter of shame that no one considers their needs. Why just mothers are expected to nurture people around them? Why aren’t they nurtured?
u would like to believe it’s due to some patriarchal oppression against woman.. but the fact is it’s mothers love and affection towards her family, this behaviour can be found across all life form..
— Proxy Bhakt (@proxy_bhakt) June 12, 2022
If you still don’t understand how problematic it is, then this tweet will be helpful. This person went all out and justified how flawed gender roles are.
Exactly! As if our father/ GF generation were misogynistic monsters and we are the enlightened ones who have started giving respect to women.
— Hanu Dutt Sharma (@hdS_29) June 12, 2022
These was simply the trends in those days. Men go out, work, women handle family. These trends keep on changing with time
It is sad how many men and women fail to understand the difference between selflessness and being self-sacrificial. While selflessness is about one’s generosity, the other is about giving to others at your own detriment. Why only women are expected to serve others at their own expense? Why women are expected to compromise their well-being for others? Why only women are expected to nurture people around them?
So what? Why there needs to be a woman angle in everything? Kaunsa nuksan ho gaya aakhir m kha liya to bhai? Why is it acceptable these days that a woman can be giving and unselfish? God this Toxic Feminism!
— Runk (@princr771) June 12, 2022
“We are born of love; Love is our mother.” “When you look into your mother’s eyes, you know that is the purest love you can find on this earth.” “A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take.”
— Abhinav (@AxyAsura) June 12, 2022
That’s what she’s been trained n tutored about, even in my family ladies eat after all children n male finish their meals, they have all learned from their own mother so barely whine or wail about as current generation does!!
— Advocate Arvind Kushwaha (@Arvind40091148) June 12, 2022
It is sad how women have undergone centuries’ worth of conditioning to cater to the people around them, even if that means they have to sacrifice their own needs?
We are not comparing apple to apple here. Take her out to a restaurant and she would be the first to order and be served. At home her motherly instincts wants to ensure that everyone has eaten well, and the food hasn’t fallen short.
— Johnny Gorkha (@RakeshG1109) June 13, 2022
Deep, I have seen that myself in almost all the households, and even if we insist mother’s to eat before ,they refuse. I think it’s the soft and caring trait of women that stops her to eat before in order to avoid scarcity of food to the last person eating. Mother’s are Great🙌
— Rohit Agrawal (@rohitagrawal_18) June 12, 2022
That’s what she thinks
— Vaibhav (@VaIbHaV021165) June 12, 2022
(Mom) Ladies First wants to feed others
If she does willingly out of care and affection it’s good for her. You should learn from her.
— Prakash Wankhede (@dhammikh) June 12, 2022
It’s high time we should stop glorifying regressive practices in name of mother’s love. Because mothers deserve better!