Being a woman in India is not easy. Among various crimes against women, it is our society’s rudimentary thought process that makes it difficult for women to lead a happy and healthy life.
And, while answering the Quora question – “What is the worst part of being a woman in India?”, Sushmita Nath shared the emotions that every Indian woman can relate to.
One day, my mother called me in the afternoon and blatantly asked me whether I want to stay with my father or with her after their divorce. I was in 8th standard then.
I told her that I want to stay with my father.
My mother went to her paternal house about 6 months ago and she was in no mood to return. My father and I were alone in our home. Constant fights made my father indulge in alcohol. He used to return home, cook, but we hardly talked with each other. We were depressed.
But after this question being asked, I was broken.
And that’s how I made my first boyfriend because I wanted someone to talk to, to get some love, to fill the void, to be happy.
Meanwhile, one neighbour aunty saw us talking on the road and next morning she told my father that “Ladki haath se nikalti jaa rahi hai.” (Your daughter is slipping out of your hands)
But the irony is, she never asked how I am in those 6 months, never asked what we were eating, never asked if I need any help.
Two teachers, who used to be the moral police (counsellor) of our school, slapped me in a closed room and warned me if I do this sort of thing again, they will kick me out of the school because according to them I was destroying the environment of the school and asked me to break up with him.
They used to do counselling of students, who were going through a bad phase of life. They were able enough to slap me, torture me but never found it important to talk to me and find out if everything is okay, whether I’m going through any tough phase or not.
My classmates isolated me. They gave me the tag “Characterless”. Why?
Because I had a boyfriend.
Though he cheated on me with another girl within 3 months or so, the tag “Characterless” became permanent for me.
Random fellows used to follow me on road, all the perverted classmates and schoolmates started asking me out. Many times, boys used to shout my name outside my house at midnight. Their general funda was that if I had said yes to that guy and made him my boyfriend, then I’m a characterless person and therefore I will accept their proposals too.
My boyfriend was never tortured like this. Reason? He is a boy.
In a country where talking to guys, looking at a guy is considered as a sin, here I used to have a boyfriend. Damn! How can someone be so “Characterless”?
A teen having a boyfriend, she is characterless.
A college going girl, talking to boys, she is characterless.
A girl, who is self-dependent, partying with boys, she is characterless.
A girl who had been in more than one relationship, she is characterless.
A widow getting married after 2 years of her husband’s death, she is characterless.
A girl having sexual desires, she is characterless.
A woman with an abusive husband, a 3-year-old daughter and lots of pressure from the family not to break the marriage, who gathers courage, leaves her abusive marriage and lives alone, she is characterless.
A 50-year-old wearing jeans in public, she is characterless.
A girl with a broken hymen, she is characterless.
A prostitute doing her job, she is characterless.
No, come on, tell me, have you ever been in my place? Have you ever been asked with whom you want to stay after divorce? Have you ever been isolated by your friends? Has anyone ever stared at you with an intention to rape you? No, right? Then how can you say I’m characterless or she is characterless? I mean who gave you this authority? Who gave you this privilege? Are you God? Then why are you judging me?
The worst part of being an Indian woman is that you are very prone to become a “Characterless woman”.
They will not even think twice before doing your “Character Assassination”, however bad their deeds are, when judging about others they will become “Sadhus”.
F*ck off you sadhus!
At IFORHER, we applaud her courage for coming forward with her own story to show how unfairly our society judges its women.
And, we want to thank her for showing how we can’t let the fear of ‘Log Kya Kahengey’ break us.