‘Are you going to be comfortable asking your wife for money?’ or ‘Are you really going to do housework?’ are some of the questions that were thrown at Lahar when he decided to stay at home and raise his kids while his wife went back to work. His inspiring story of breaking stereotypes is for those who believe raising kids is only a mother’s job.
Even though we live in the 21st century, it is disheartening to see how our society still sees parenting as a mother’s core responsibility and doesn’t leave a chance to shame the fathers who want to actively contribute. Some strong men are turning into stay-at-home dads because they believe parenting is as much as a responsibility of a mom as it is of a father.
One such inspiring father is Lahar, who recently shared his heart-touching story with HoB:
“In 2015, my wife and I were saving up to go on a peaceful and ‘just us’ holiday to Australia … little did we know that our fund was going to soon be eaten, and I mean literally eaten by our unexpected arrivals! We were in the 3rd month of our pregnancy when we first realized my wife was pregnant. The surprises didn’t stop there — our first sonography showed that we were expecting not one, but two kids — you can only imagine the sheer terrifying excitement!
I planned on staying at home while my wife went back to work, it was an obvious decision for us simply because she earned more and we now had an army to feed. When I first told my dad about my decision of staying at home, he only asked me once if I was sure — when I said yes, he never asked me again.
It was harder for people outside of the family to understand — questions like ‘Lahar, are you going to be comfortable asking your wife for money?’ or ‘Are you really going to be at home while your wife is at work?’ or ‘Are you really going to do housework?’ were thrown my way. Obviously, she was my wife… I wasn’t working, so who else would I ask? I was always good at responding to these questions with the obvious truth.
Thing is, my wife carried them for 9 months, she has this unique bond with them that no one in the world will ever have. So it’s only fair that I bond with them too! But kids keep you always moving on your feet, and with two of them, I was running… Eat, poop, sleep became our mantra!”
As we know how difficult the initial phase of parenthood is, it was no different for Lahar aswell. Sharing the difficult initial days, Lahar further added:
“Like most kids, mine slept for about 18 hours at various intervals, but I had two who were never in sync and on their own schedules — so I was at a new level of sleep deprivation. My sense of depth was completely out of whack — I cannot tell you the number of times I have walked into something that was right in front of me and stubbed the crap out of my toes!
I remember our feeding schedule — post-its stuck on the wall after either of us fed a kid, just so we could keep track. Obviously, there have been multiple times where one of us has fed one kid, forgotten to update our post-it wall, and the same kid has been fed again leaving the other one hungry… It’s a running joke between my wife and I that we don’t remember the months of March and April 2016… Our memories of those two months are all just a blur with these two rascals.
But nothing will be more special than that time I had with them — the diaper changes, the all-nighters, the crying fests — that time is irreplaceable. Surprisingly, when one year down the line, I decided to go back to work, the transition was smooth. My wife and I both work now, and raise our kids together. It’s always family first for us — how does it matter who’s the one providing and who’s staying at home? Wife is happy, I’m happy and rascals are most definitely happy…I don’t think anything else should matter!”
At IFORHER, we are in awe of every father or mother who is standing against the societal stereotypes to dictate their parenting journey. We hope many more people will seek inspiration from Lahar and not let their family happiness suffer just because of fear of ‘log kya kahengey’ (What people will say?)