Heartbroken Mom Writes A Letter To Her Unborn Child, A Year After Miscarriage

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(Before you read this letter, I want to tell you that this part of my life has been secret for almost a year now. Losing a child is the most difficult journey that a mother could make. After debating with I For Her team for almost a week, I decided to write my feelings as a part of my grieving process and in the hope that someone else who underwent a similar phase doesn’t feel alone. But, I would still like to keep it as a personal experience and hence, I am writing it anonymously.)

Dear Beta,

Do you miss us?

Do you miss the lullabies that momma used to sing to you?

Do you miss momma’s touch and daddy’s tickling?

It was exactly a year ago when we got to know the news about your arrival. We were so excited as your daddy and I had waited for this news for almost 3 years.

Hardly, we knew that a storm called miscarriage will take you away forever even before we have touched you for the first time.

Your daddy tries to be a strong man. He feels that you are watching us from heaven. And, hence he doesn’t like to cry. He feels that you should win the contest – Whose daddy is strongest? – if it ever happens in heaven.

But your mom is not a strong woman anymore. Once I was known to face any adversity in life with a smile on my face but your loss has broken me from inside.

I miss you every moment.

I miss your beating heart, tiny hands, and feet, and your tongue that was just about to develop. But, more importantly, I miss things that I could have done with you!

When my friends upload these amazing pictures with their babies on facebook, I couldn’t help but feel jealous. I start questioning why I was the unlucky one who has been deprived of those special moments.

Why I never got to hold you?

Why I never got to rock you sleep?

Why I never got to smell your intoxicating baby scent?

Why I never got to hear you calling me Momma in your little voice?

Why I never got to hear you telling me how much you love me?

I will never drop you off to school on your first day and cry the whole ride back because I realize how much I miss you.

I will never see your father helping you in the becoming the best in the sport you are interested in.

I will never be able to watch you grow and become your own person.

I won’t ever be able to tease you with your boyfriend/ girlfriend.

I won’t ever be able to call myself the proudest mother in the whole world while watching you graduating from your college.

There is not a single day that goes by when I don’t think about the things that I couldn’t do with you. I always keep telling myself that Heaven might be even more beautiful than our home.

I want to tell you that I fall in love in with you every day and I will never ever stop loving you! You will forever and always be my baby!

Love,

Your Loving Griefing Momma

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this post are the personal views of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of I for Her. Authors are responsible for any omissions or errors. And, I for Her does not assume any liability or responsibility for them.