“Bhai Sahab, Renu is our daughter-in-law. And, we know how to take care of her. You don’t need to get involved. This is our personal family matter. It would be better if you keep yourself out of our family matters.” My mother-in-law told my dad.
“Yes, papa! Mummy is right. You don’t have to worry about Renu. We will talk as a family and try to resolve the matter. Maybe she needs to understand better why we want her to leave her job. It is for her own good!”, my husband like a parrot repeated after his mother the same story just in different words.
My father flew down after I broke down over the call. For almost 5 months, my in-laws were pushing me to give up my job and become a housewife. Though I took a stand for myself, the consistent taunts and pestering became too much to handle. Throughout the horrible treatment, my husband kept telling me to understand their viewpoint. And then one day, while talking to papa, I broke down.
So, when my husband and in-laws told him to ignore the matter, he refused to stay silent. And, how could he?
Being a feminist himself, he always supported my mother in her professional journey. He made sure that my mother never had to compromise on her dreams just because she was a mother or a wife.
On the days when the maid would take a day off, my dad would take up full responsibility for household chores and kids while mummy would attend an important office meeting.
In our house, I have never heard my father saying to my mother – ‘yeh tumhara kaam hai’. It was always ‘humara kaam’! They worked like a perfect team, who knew when to support each other without even saying a word.
And now, when his daughter was refused to pursue her dreams, he couldn’t stay quiet. He didn’t raise his daughter for the day when she had to give up all her dreams just because her in-laws and husband wanted her to be an educated maid.
“Behenji, I am not interested in your family matters. But your daughter-in-law is first my daughter and then your bahu. If she is pain, then it is a matter of life and death for me!”, my father made it clear that he won’t bow down to my regressive in-laws thought-process.
“Bhaisahab, Don’t worry, Renu is over-reacting. She hasn’t been taught on how to be a good wife or a daughter-in-law. She didn’t get lessons on how to adjust to her new home and roles. Sometimes in life, women need to be selfless for the family and husband.”
“Behenji, you have mistaken but my daughter knows how to adjust. She has given up so much in her life for this marriage and you are telling me she doesn’t know how to be selfless. She left behind her loving parents, childhood home and her siblings just to be with her husband.
She has not only accepted this house as her own but also you as her own family. It is easy to blame Renu for not being a good bahu; but unfortunately my poor daughter was treated like an outsider in this house.
The only thing that she refused to adjust to your ill-treatment towards her – From forcing her to giving up on her childhood dream of a successful career to making her feel like an outsider. Other than being an educated maid, my daughter is nothing more for you!”
Is this what being your daughter in law means?”
As he said it, his voice trembled and his eyes get moist! His powerful words did put my in-laws and husband to shame. And, what he said next made me such a proud daughter –
“Renu has been a great daughter. And, I have no doubts that she will be a great life partner and caring daughter-in-law. But, please remember, if you don’t know how to value my daughter, I am fine to take her back. Because before being your wife and daughter-in-law, she is my Dil ka tukda. I can’t let my daughter suffer at the hands of people who don’t value her!”
Realizing how adamant and strong-willed my father was, my husband jumped to pacify the situation. While trying to calm down my father, he said:
“Papa, we are sorry. But, we never wanted to hurt Renu. She is a very important part of our family. And, we many not say it often, but we definitely adore her. May be, it’s time, we should stop expecting Renu to adjust to our family. Rather, we should adjust to her needs too.“
To which, my mother-in-law, just moved out of the room. My husband assured my father that he would make things better for me. 8 months have passed and though my mother-in-law is still struggling to accept me, my husband is supportive of my career and dreams.
And, the whole credit goes to my father.
I hope every daughter should be blessed with a father like mine – who will always be there for his little girl. Thank you, papa, for not treating me like an outsider after marriage. You made it very clear that even if I am someone’s wife or daughter-in-law, I will always be your daughter first!