While our society is full of parents who may give their daughters a thousand reasons to stay in a marriage that’s not working for her, fortunately, we are not those parents.
For us, neither of our two daughters are a burden or paraya dhan. They are our princesses who rule our hearts.
So, rather than letting daughters suffer in silence or stay in a home that doesn’t treat them well, we are very clear that we would welcome our daughters back in our home, in our life!
And, we weren’t surprised when our daughter came back home after spending 2 years in hell. She bore so much pain for the sake of marriage. She gave up more than she should have for those who never valued her. But, what took me by surprise, when her in-laws called us and told us:
“Bhai Sahab, Ladki maike mein kab tak rahegi? Log baateing karengey! Aap toh ladki ke father hain, atleast you should understand!” (For how long girl can stay at her parents’ place? People will talk! You are a father of a daughter, atleast you should understand)
I just couldn’t believe the very same person who ill-treated my daughter, wanted me to force my own daughter back to hell; back to the same place where my daughter suffered, cried, and begged for love, attention, and respect! But no one cared. At that moment, everything came back to me and I knew exactly what I wanted to say to them. I said:
“Behenji, you are absolutely right. That people will talk. But, for the sake of people, I can’t send my daughter back to hell, where you people are harassing her and abusing her. And, as far as living at her parents’ house, it is her home aswell. Like your son is living with you, my daughter can live with us till eternity.
But, my daughter won’t come back till you guys start acting better. Till you realize that she is married to your son but that doesn’t give you a license to insult and abuse her. You can’t keep treating her like a doormat and expect respect in return.
So, call me next when you realize that what you have done to my daughter is wrong. At that time, we can discuss how we can support our kids to make this marriage work. Till then this father is proud to have his daughter back at home.”
As soon as I hung up, both my daughters hugged me. They said they were blessed to have me as their father; the truth is I am blessed to have my daughters.
After 10 months of conflict, now we are helping our daughter and son-in-law give marriage another try. My daughter’s in-law realized that they need to stop their controlling behaviors and treat my daughter with respect as they want her to treat them. Additionally, my daughter and son-in-law are under marriage counseling to get things on track.
But, here’s what I want to tell every father and mother, whose daughter is struggling in marriage but they don’t know what to do about it.
Dear Parents of a married daughter,
While every parent wants their daughter to have a peaceful married life but many times it doesn’t go as per our hope! In those cases, we let our daughters suffer.
Parents, please don’t let your daughter suffer the pain; Don’t let others break her and her confidence. While you are keeping quiet, your daughter’s in-laws are treating your silence as your weakness. Many abusive in-laws suffer from the superiority complex and assume that the parents of daughter won’t do anything. And, it is this assumption that gives them the courage to abuse or ill-treat our daughters even more!
Here are 3 big things that I want you to know if you are thinking of welcoming your back into your home and your life:
– You won’t lose your respect if your daughter comes back home. Negative people will talk at your back but the good ones will applaud you for saving your daughter and giving her a new chance at life. And, these good ones are the people whom you should have in your life. Let go of these negative people, they are just a waste and burden on earth!
– Divorced daughter is always better than a dead daughter. No matter what anyone says, if your daughter isn’t happy or losing herself and her confidence in marriage, then that relationship isn’t worth it. Because, as she suffers, your silence is pushing her every day closer to depression and death.
– You don’t have to worry about what will happen to your daughter after the divorce. Because, here’s what happens: She will again start living her life as she deserved. She will spend time finding her passion, will excel in whatever she will do, and start smiling again. Your strong daughter doesn’t need any man to make her feel complete. She is already complete – the way she was before marriage!
It’s high time that parents should quit – “Ladki ke papa mummy bechaare hote hai (parents of daughters are weak and helpless)” – attitude. Because, how could we be weak, who have raised such inspiring strong daughters, who are ready to fight for their dignity and rights!