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Home Relationships Family & In-Laws

Dear Ma & Pa, Why Your Birthdays And Anniversaries Hurt Me Now: Emotional Reality Of Parents Getting Old

by Neetu Kushwah Raghav
July 14, 2019
Image: Source

Dear Ma and Pa,

You guys will soon be completing 40 years of marriage. In an era where marriages are difficult to maintain, you are giving your kids major relationship goals.

Mom, thanks for making me learn to be a caring and loving wife as I managed to imbibe some of your traits.

And, Dad, you are the perfect husband that any wife would ever want.

Apart from being an adorable couple, you guys are amazing parents. You have given all your kids wings to fly and thanks to your immense sacrifices that we are excelling in our lives today.

We all wish you a very Happy Anniversary.

Lots of Love from Kids♥️

As I sealed the letter, something hit me. Slowly my hands started losing energy. I put the letter inside the gift box bought for our parents.

 I asked my husband to courier the present while coming home from the office tomorrow.

As I continued with my evening chores, I realized something was bothering me. And with every passing moment, I was turning into a restless beast who just wanted to pinpoint what was wrong. There was this disturbing and nagging thought stopping me from being excited about my parents’ 40th anniversary.

It was tricking me into being sad and low, rather than being happy and excited as I should be.

And, then just in a moment – it all came to me. The issue was that it is their “40th anniversary”! And, the child in me was scared as 40th anniversary meant that my parents were growing old. This means they are aging. This means they will be losing physical strength.

And, yes, this means they would be lonely at the times when they need their kids the most!

My Mom and Dad live alone in our hometown as I and my 2 siblings moved out to different cities to build our dream life. Though being separated by miles, we made sure that our parents never feel alone. But with busy schedules and life commitments, we are less connected than ever.

But, I have hardly heard our parents complaining about it. Like many other parents, they feel happy as they want to see their kids happy!

And that was the issue. With age, they needed their kids more than ever, but because of our dreams, we are available even less.

Suddenly gripped by a pang of very heavy guilt, I again pick up my pen to share my honest feelings with my parents on their 40th anniversary.

Every kid who is struggling to see their parents getting old or wish (s)he could do much more for them than (s)he is currently doing will be able to relate to what I am going through.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Hope you guys are doing well? I know, it is an irrelevant question. Not because we talk daily. But, I feel that was a ridiculous question because how could we assume you be doing well when all your kids are away.

Mumma and Papa, I am very happy for you guys as you embark on another year of togetherness, love and happiness. But, I won’t be completely honest if I say I am as excited as I should be. I do feel selfish in sharing my emotions on your special day but I guess I will still give it a try because I hope you would understand that it is coming from a very honest and loving feeling. 

For the first time in my life, I am in bit of a pain as we celebrate your special 40th wedding anniverary.

I just realised, that with each year, you guys are growing old and you would need us more than ever. But, we are leading our own independent life to fulfil our dreams.

As you are growing old,  I am realising how much you need me. You need all of us.

When I was learning how to write, mumma you were the one who held my pencil. And, now when your hands tremble a little when you dial a number, I am not around you to help.

Dad, you were there, when I first padelled my bicycle and now, when I see you tired after driving, I am not there for you to drive you around.

Mom, you helped me wear saree for the first time, and now when you struggle with your pleats, I am not there to bend down and do it for you.

Dad, you stood there in the pool when I first waved my hands into the water. And now, when you can’t lift a bucket, I am not there to support.

Mom, you made me a strong girl, you taught me to fear none. And when I see you – my ultimate source of strength losing strength, I am not there to extend a hand.

Though I don’t want you to get old, its an unfortunate reality that no one can deny. But, could you promise me that when the life gets tougher and things get difficult, you won’t hesitate to let us know that you can’t do it alone anymore. 

Don’t even think for a moment that by letting us to be with you when you need us the most is any sign of being selfish. It’s not about being selfish, it is about being a family. Family is always there for you when things get tough!

Ma – Pa, Though you have taught me so many things, one thing that you have taught me the best is to love someone with all your heart and soul. And, that’s the way I love you and that’s why I want to do the best for you that I can do!

Hope you would give me a chance to be the person I want to be, by being their for you. And, believe me, it isn’t for you , it is for me! 

Yours forever.”

On this note, I somehow found the solution to my agony and sadness. I realized that we can’t stop our parents from growing old but we can surely change how they experience this phase.

So, I quickly called my mom to tell her – “Hello Mom, we are coming home for your 40th anniversary. Tell dad, I Love him.”

Tags: Being a daughterbeing a parentFamily & In-LawsParenting
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