Mothers are special. Aren’t they?
And, what makes them so special is their invisible power of knowing you more than you know yourself.
I am blessed to have one such mother. She always knew what I wanted and sometimes, even before I realized it.
Doesn’t matter whether it is about food, dresses, career, education or life partner; my mother always knew what her daughter wanted or at least and what she ‘deserved’.
And, hence, it didn’t surprise me when my mother wrote this beautiful letter to my husband as we were embarking on the beautiful journey of ‘forever’.
This letter made me proud that in the country where daughters are always asked to compromise or adjust. She wanted her son-in-law to be the strength for her daughter in the moments of struggle.
I am sharing this letter with you all with the hope that Indian mothers, rather than telling only their daughters to adjust and compromise, would start expecting their son-in-law to be equal partners and adjust.
While I see my daughter enjoying every bit of the rituals before her marriage, a sense of fear boggles me.
I see my husband feeding her favorite sandwiches with his own hands while she is enthusiastically explaining the changes in her wedding dress to her designer with her hands covered with beautiful patterns of henna.
This leaves me happy and scared at the same time.
Why scared? Because I know tomorrow a lot of things will change for her.
From her name to her clothes to her favourite recipes to her routine, everything will change. With time, the burden of expectations and responsibilities will become heavier.
She may not have the same sense of independence in her life anymore. She might have to take permissions for the things that she never thought she would have to – like the permission to visit her parents.
Though these changes come along in any marriage, and my brave daughter will give her best to cope with the changes but she would need you and your support at every step.
You may have known her for 7 long years, but you will see a new girl in my daughter, when she will step into this new world of yours.
I have always taught my daughter that marriage, more than compromise, is a commitment. A commitment of making through all that life throws at you.
And as my daughter is getting married to you tomorrow, I have no doubts that my daughter will give her best to this marriage. Though seven years is quite a long time to build compatibility and to know each other well.
While people say love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage, the reality of marriage is very different from love.
We all have a childhood dream that when there is love, everything goes like silk. But the reality is that marriage shows a very different aspect of people we have been in love with. It makes us acquainted with the traits of people that we never knew about.
I know, you have known each other for seven long years but as her mother I got the opportunity to see the best and the worst of her.
As a mother I know many things about her. And I want to share those with you to help you to understand and support her better in those struggling moments. Please understand, adjust and love her as she would do the same when you would be struggling with life.
1. In those struggling moments, build her confidence:
Sometimes, when you assume her to be confident and strong, she may not be. She may not say it on her own but she may be looking out for someone to build her confidence. Her eyes may be searching for your approval. In those moments, please be with her. Make her feel that she is the most powerful girl in the world.
Build her confidence rather than tear her down!
2. In the moment of panic, calm her down:
As she loves to keep everyone happy, there would be moments when she would build unnecessray pressure over herself. The moments when she would panic. The moments when she won’t know what to do. Hug her and ask her to calm down.
Tell her that you still love her!
3. In the moment of weakness, be her strength:
You know she is a strong and independent girl. But while making changes in her lifestyle, she may get irritated or she may lose interest in your customs. She may cry sitting alone. Sit beside her to understand why is she giving up.
Tell her, you will help her adapting to the changes.
4. When she fights for herself, stand by her side:
Though you know how mature she could be, there could be moments when she picks up battles that may sound unnecessary to you. She may pick up the argument with your long distant aunt or uncles, just to show how times are changing and woman is at par with man. In those situations, don’t leave her hand.
Stand up for her if she is right and make her understand if she is wrong.
5. Love her when she isn’t at her best:
I know, you have had multiple fights with her and you are very good at pacifying her. But, there would be times when it would require a lot of patience. You may even thing if she is the same girl that you loved. In those ‘not so her’ best moments, please treat her exactly the same as you do now.
Kiss her forehead and hug her.
Marriage is not easy but it can be a beautiful journey. Some moments would be tough and in those moments if you could hold on to each other, then no storm will be able to separate you. Ever!
Hold on to my daughter because she will hold on to you!
As much as I believe in my daughter, I believe in you that you will keep her belief strong in marriage.
Lots of Love,