An open letter by a daughter-in-law, who is tired of being insulted at every walk of her life.
She is being constantly told how she is failing as a wife and as a daughter-in-law. Tired of waiting to be accepted, she has recently decided to take a stand for herself. Her open letter of finding the courage to stand for herself is an inspiration for millions of women, who are suffering the insults in silence.
Here’s her inspiring letter of finding her courage to not accept insults for who she is.
“We know you love your work but you need to remember you are a daughter-in-law now. Your priorities need to change. Family, husband, and kids should come before your work. Look at Shweta, she is holding a senior position and earning much more than you, but for her, her home is still her first priority.”
This is what my in-laws told me when I got 20 minutes late in serving food. The delay happened because I was attending a very important office call that I couldn’t miss. It is not only heartbreaking but also shocking how my in-laws find no issue in expecting me to put my office call on hold so that their lunch schedule doesn’t suffer.
But this isn’t the first time, I was told how I am failing at being a daughter-in-law and a wife.
From being told not to act childish to expect my husband to come with me to my parents’ place to not taking enough care of my in-laws and household chores, I am used to listening to the constant taunts and insults of how I am not a good wife or ‘bahu’ (daughter-in-law).
On zillion occasions, I have been told who I need to be or what I need to change just because I am married into their family. And believe me, the list of changes is endless. From my dressing style to my career aspirations to my cooking skills – you will find everything on that list of changes that I need to focus on.
While I bore the burden of these unrealistic expectations from the past two years, I feel it is enough. I can’t bear the burden anymore. I can’t wait anymore to assume that things will get better with time. That one day, I may be accepted the way I am.
It is heart-breaking to be in a relationship when you are not accepted as who you are. When the other person puts endless conditions before they would accept or love you. When you are being told that you are not good enough to be a part of a family, for which you have given up everything. When you are constantly being compared with other daughters-in-law to arrive at one and only one conclusion that – YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH – you feel helpless with all the hopes of having a better life shattered.
But to keep myself motivated and positive, I used to see these judgments in a positive light. I used to focus on how to be a better wife or a daughter-in-law to make people around myself happy and content.
But, it never mattered how much I changed.
The constant judgments and attempts to find flaws in me never stopped. And this constant feeling of being disliked led to angry, self-doubts, and sadness. This constant expectation to change myself and become someone else was breaking me at every moment.
It was at this moment, I realized that I can’t keep ignoring these insults and keep changing myself for the sake of someone’s approval.
I have accepted my in-laws and husband without any condition, then why can’t they? How is it fair to expect someone to give up on their lives and dreams completely just because they got married to your son? How is it fair to be compared with other daughters-in-law to make a point about how I wasn’t at par with them when it comes to household chores?
I may have married into their family, but does that mean, they have the right to run me down or make me feel less or bad about myself.
As they say, sometimes we have to become our own savior. I have realized that no one is coming to save me. If I want to save my self-respect and confidence, then I need to stand up to the hurtful judgment and the harsh criticism!
So, the next time when someone told me to be a better wife or a better daughter-in-law, I took stand for myself and told them RESPECTFULLY that I wouldn’t take these constant judgments anymore.
While some people may not be proud of me, I am proud of myself.
I know I have much more to achieve in life. So, dear in-laws if you feel less about me or feel that I am not good enough, please keep your judgments to yourself. Because I am not going to take your insults anymore.
I am stopping to ignore, to speak up! I am stopping to tolerate, to stand up! I am stopping self-doubts, to love myself!