It is heartbreaking how women are expected to be a perfect wife, a daughter-in-law, and a mother by those who are hardly close to perfect. In many marriages, while men hardly try to be a good husband, he expects his wife to be a perfect life partner, perfect mother, and more importantly, a perfect daughter-in-law.
Like many Indian women, every day I am told how I am an imperfect wife or a daughter-in-law by none other than my not-so perfect husband. It’s part of my everyday schedule to hear stuff like: “You are not a good daughter-in-law! Look how you are talking about my parents” or “You are not a good wife! You hardly understand how I am responsible to take care of my parents.” or “Why you have to talk back to my parents? Why can’t you maintain peace at home?”
So, bottom line – My husband feels I am a failure. He feels I am an imperfect wife and an imperfect daughter-in-law who has just the perfect husband and the perfect in-laws. He has this constant urge to make me perfect by counting my flaws throughout the day.
In fact, he and his family have a long list of how I am a lost cause. I am not the kind of wife, my in-laws wanted for their son; I am neither the kind of daughter-in-law that my husband wanted for his parents. But, sadly, no one cares what I feel. No one cares how they make me feel about myself. Even after doing so much for these people, I am the one whose flaws are being counted at the dinner table every day.
But, my dear husband who wants me to be a perfect life partner, can you become a husband first? Can you stop expecting me to put everything on hold just because you want me to be my top priority? While you hardly treat me like your own, you expect me to adjust and compromise on everything and anything! How is this fair?
Though you want me to be a perfect wife, are you a perfect husband? As a husband, you were expected to empower me rather you leave no chance to tear me down.
And dear parents-in-law, who want me to treat them like my own parents. Can you treat me like a human first? I am not even asking you to treat me like your daughter because that seems impossible to me. But can you treat me with the respect and dignity that I deserve? You expect me to give up on my own parents, my own dreams, my own life, and take care of your needs. But, have you ever asked yourself why you even treat me worse than your maid or cook?
Your endless comparison and desire to satisfy your ego is not only ruining my marriage but also destroying my mental health. Before expecting respect, can you give me respect! Before expecting love, can you give me love!
Why our society expects women to be a PERFECT ROBOT, who performs every role to 100% perfection, it breaks my heart how hardly we ever think about how we are treating our women. We taunt her, insult her, shame her every time she steps out of defined norms of society. Whenever she stands for herself or her dreams we make sure that we call her names and label her as badatmeez.
We expect our women to burn themselves so that they can lit the world of others. We expect them to burry down their dreams, their desires, their aspirations so that others can enjoy theirs.
It’s because of these unrealistic expectations that many women find themselves drained and tired. It makes them feel hopeless and lonely as neither their home nor their family feels like their own.
It’s not that we women are not capable to love and respect our husband or his parents. It is the burden of unrealistic expectations coupled with no reciprocation of love and care from their family that makes it heart-breaking. I wish one day, my husband rather than asking what I am doing for him and his parents, he will ask what they are doing for me! I wish one day!