We live in a society that labels a woman selfish if she chooses to live separately from her in-laws. Her desire to lead a happy life without negativity and toxicity is labeled as a home-wrecker. But, no one has an issue with in-laws who become toxic to their daughters-in-law and ruin their marriage.
Here is an emotional letter from one such daughter-in-law, who puts her heart into words. She never had the intention to create any tension between her husband and her in-laws. But how her in-laws failed her!
Dear In-Laws (who ruined my marriage),
For 27 years of my life, I lived in a family that loved me whole-heartedly. I was my mom’s lifeline, my dad’s princess, my siblings’ confidante, a little angel, until one fine day, I was married off and my life took a drastic turn. I packed my bags with a heavy heart. I told myself I was going from one home to another.
When I married into your family, I came with the hope that I was getting another set of parents. While many warned me against the joint family set-up, I was thrilled to live in a house that has blessings from elders.
I accepted you and loved you whole-heartedly. I tried my level best to be accepted and loved back. But while I was taking steps forward to be part of your family, you created a tall wall to keep me outside.
It takes a lot to leave a home you were raised in to go to a new house with brand new faces. But going to a house full of people who make you feel lonely, is heartbreaking.
Though I had no intention to separate your son from you, I was heartbroken that I was the only one making effort to make our lives work together. While I wanted to have a healthy relationship with you, you focused on ruining my marriage by indulging in hurtful treatment.
It is heartbreaking how from the moment I did my ‘saat pheras’, you expected me to change and adapt to your lifestyle. You wanted me to change my name, my lifestyle, and much more. While I was ready to accept you the way you were, you were making all the unfortunate demands to change me.
As an Indian daughter-in-law, you expected me to lose my identity. With your constant nagging and taunts, you never cared how you made me feel at that moment. While I tried my level best to be kind and warm to you, you took my kindness as a weakness. You tried to use me as a doormat.
While I was trying to ignore your toxicity and abuse, so that your relationship with your son doesn’t get tense, my heart broke when you made attempts to ruin my marriage.
When you humiliated me in front of your close and distant relatives and commented on my clothes, I tried to ignore it with the hope that you would change. But, when you insulted my family and created a misunderstanding between my husband and me, I realized the dirty game that you were playing.
You were competing against me for your son. I couldn’t understand why?
I never wanted my husband and your son to get stuck between his parents and his wife. I know how much he loves you and me both. If you keep making my life miserable, then there would be a point when we would find nothing in our lives but just hate for each other.
It is heartbreaking how you fail to understand that the bahu is not a villain who is here to take away your son. Dear mother-in-law when you got married to somebody’s son; did you have the same intention back then, of taking a son away from his mother?
Please try to understand that your son’s heart has enough space to accommodate all of us. And if you are so possessive about your son that you can’t share him with others, then you shouldn’t have ever gotten him married in the first place.
I don’t want to run away from my responsibilities of being a good daughter-in-law. But I won’t suffer the abuse and toxicity in name of responsibilities. So, you better start treating me with the same respect I treat you with. Because respect is a two-way street, you can’t get it if you don’t give it!
