It is unfortunate, how many parents who love their kids, in the fear of ‘log kya kahegey‘, choose society over their child’s happiness. Be it about choosing a career or a life partner, many times parents fail their kids as they tend to focus more on society than on what their kids needs.
This letter, written by our community member, captures the pain of every child who is being by such a parent.
“Ma, I don’t want to get married now. I want to focus on my career. I want to take an onsite opportunity. It is good for my career, mummy!”, begs by 23-year-old self to my mother.
“A, You are already 23, beta. What people would say? You are already late. And, if you don’t get a good match, people will say we aren’t good parents. We didn’t get you married in time. Please for our sake, meet the boy”, says my mother unapologetically.
“But what about my happiness, Ma? How does it matter what society thinks of you and Papa as parents? Why does it bother what people would say?”, my meek 23-year-old self mumbles!
It has been 7 years since that conversation. Every day, I still have this conversation with my mom in my head and wish I could have been more persistent with my mother.
Unfortunately, my early marriage couldn’t rescue my parents from society’s judgments. And my mother’s fear of not being regarded as a bad parent came true. If you wonder how then let me tell you – Now, I am a single mother of a 2-year-old daughter.
For society, what is worse than a single woman is a single mother, and what is worse than the single mother is the single mother of a daughter. So, as per society not only I am a failure but my parents are bigger failures.
While my mother and father still worrying about what people say, I am very happy with my daughter and I am channeling all my focus to build a better future for my daughter.
I don’t have any regrets except why I didn’t stand for myself earlier. Why, I let my parents sacrifice my happiness in name of traditions, rituals, and social norms.
Please don’t get me wrong, my parents love me. They love me a lot. But, sadly, they are still upheld in their mindset where they tend to give more importance to society than their kid’s happiness. But, my parents are not alone. Even the parents much younger and more educated than my parents have a similar mindset.
It is heartbreaking how parents focus so much on society. Sometimes it feels that they trust society more than themselves when it comes to making decisions for them.
And, before you read any further, there is a much-needed disclaimer. If you have been blessed by supportive parents, who have stood for your dreams against society, then you may not be able to relate to this article. But, if it didn’t happen to you, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen in the world.
And, through this letter, I want to address all those parents, who are knowingly or unknowingly, killing their kids’ happiness just because ‘log kya kahengey’?
Whatever you do, society will never be pleased with you.
Doesn’t matter whatever you do for society, they will always find a reason to disapprove of your actions and decisions. While you are focusing all your energies to keep society happy, these people won’t be around in your moments of sadness.
It would be your kids, whose happiness you are trading now to keep your ungrateful society happy. While you are making all your kids’ decisions based on society, none of them will come forward when you or your kid will need them.
The so-called society would hide themselves when your kids will achieve something. But, these would be the first one to mock them when they meet a setback or fail.
Focus on what is best for your kid, not for you, not for your social status, not for your society.
As I hold my daughter in my arms, I promise I will not let society suck her happiness. I would support her in her every dream.
I will not chain her down, rather I will let her fly. Hope you will too!
P.S. This is as true for sons as it is true for daughters. I have written it from my perspective, I am sure there are many sons who are forced to give up on their dreams to follow the social norms.