Here’s a heartwarming note from one of our community members, who is a doctor but still has to fight a battle for equality at home. Here’s her powerful message for every woman fighting for her dreams.
It is amazing how women fighting for equality not only in their profession but also in their marriage and at home. It is quite inspiring to read about these courageous souls talking about their most intimate battle – the battle of equality in marriage. I always believed it is always easier to fight against society than with your own loved ones. At least, that is the reality for me.
With my parents’ support, I became the first doctor in my family. I belong to a conservative family where a girl turns 21 and the family starts planning to get her married to another business family. When you belong to such a conservative family, choosing a career that almost takes 10 years of consistent determination and persistence is never easy. But, I managed to do it only because of my parents. They believed in me and my dreams much more than I did.
But sadly my in-laws were never even a bit like my parents. They wanted a doctor wife for their doctor son, but they always wanted to treat her like a maid. They always took pride in the fact that their son was a doctor. But when the matter was about their daughter-in-law, there were no moments of pride but only moments of the complaint.
It was heartbreaking how my mother-in-law left no chance to remind me that my priority is my husband. It was amazing how she wanted me to be a doctor but at the same time be available for her son at a drop of a hat. My husband being a doctor himself understood why her expectations weren’t justified.
Though this space would not be enough for me to write the epic how her unrealistic demands kept disintegrating my self-esteem, despite being a qualified medical professional, who saves the lives of others.
She believed that by marrying her son, I had given up all rights to a thinking, feeling mind of my own
She wanted me to come back home by 5 pm and cook meals for my husband and his family. And the days when I would get late to come back, I was welcomed with negative vibes. In simple words, you can say our house was always witnessing new drama just because I refused to be treated like a maid. I was born to do great things and it always broke my heart how my in-laws refuse to become allies in achieving those dreams.
With consistent fights at home, there were many friends who suggested me to ask my husband to live in a separate house. But I refused to entertain that idea. Why did I choose to suffer? Because I want to believe that I was a good individual, a dutiful family person, and a hopeful soul. That’s what at least I wanted to believe. When you know the pain of parents staying alone, you don’t want to give the same pain to any other parents.
Though times have changed it is heartbreaking how many people refuse to accept the change. There are still many women, who have been raised to achieve big dreams but are made to fight an ugly battle of equality and acceptance back home. Our society is very quick to judge these women, who are waging war with their loved ones who because they want a better life for themselves. Our society labels them as badatmeez or rebels or stubborn rather than applauding their determination to turn their dreams into reality.
A small message to all those courageous women, who are fighting for their dreams – Don’t give up! You deserve your dream as much as anyone else. You are the hope that our society will start valuing the career of women as much as they value it of men. You are the role models our young daughters are going to look up to and follow their dreams!