When these parents rescued their daughter from her abusive marriage, they were told by many that their daughter shouldn’t have been so insensitive. People, especially their daughter’s in-laws, told them that they forgot to teach their daughter how to tolerate. As a part of the Open letter Series, this mother wants to let them know why they are so wrong in expecting daughters and their parents to tolerate abuse & injustice.
It is heartbreaking for any parent to see their kid, whom they have raised with so much love, care, and affection, living in endless pain. When you see your kid for whom you made endless sacrifices to see a smile on her face in tears, it breaks you.
My husband and I did everything that we could to give the best to our daughter. But after marriage, when she was hurt and insulted every day, our soul was shattered. With every passing day when we found her losing her confidence, peace, and happiness, we made a decision that we couldn’t see her struggling like this anymore.
And then one day, when she broke over the call multiple times, we asked her if she wants to come back home. We knew it wasn’t our decision to make, it was hers. But it was our responsibility that we wanted to let her know it was fine for her to come back home if she wants.
When our daughter came back home, we weren’t sure about anything but of one thing that we wanted our happy and confident daughter back. And with every passing day, when we saw her getting back her real self, we had no doubts that we did the right thing.
But there were so many people, especially her husband’s side and relatives – who blamed us and our daughter for this marriage hiccup.
As per them, we forgot to teach our daughter how to tolerate in life. They felt we were impatient and our daughter too sensitive. Bottom line – they didn’t find anything wrong with how our daughter was treated but how we took a stand for her.
Though our family doesn’t care about how society perceives us – we don’t need anyone’s approval for saving our daughter. But as parents of a daughter, we have a moral responsibility to speak on behalf of parents of millions of daughters. Daughters who rather than being showered with love and happiness, get pain in their marriage.
We want to tell the society, and especially the parents of the groom – We didn’t tolerate less! And our daughter isn’t too sensitive!
How you treated our daughter, if we treated your son in the same way for only a day, you would know that no parent can tolerate their piece of heart to be treated so badly.
You married your son to my daughter, but you never showed intentions to accept her as a part of your family. You treated her like an outsider. Sidelined her emotions and made her feel less worthy of your family and your son. Now think for a moment, if we would have done the same to your son.
While he would have left his family to stay with our daughter and we always keep reminding him that he was an outsider. We keep making him feel ‘not good enough’ for our daughter through endless taunts and insults. While we tell him that it’s his responsibility to treat our daughter and us as his top priority, we shamelessly ignore his happiness and wellbeing.
What he gets in return for the endless sacrifices that he does for us – only the pain of being alone. Would you tolerate it? Even for a day?
How would you have felt if we would have made fun of your son, harmed his self-esteem and, attacked his dignity in the very same way you did our daughter’s? If we kept criticizing him for everything that he did – What kind of clothes are you wearing? How are you speaking to our daughter? Has no one taught you how to speak to your elders? You are not responsible at all. Why do you get up so late? Why can’t you do things the right way – our way? Your parents gave you no values?
What if we shattered his confidence, attacked his self-respect, and taunted you for not raising him right, would you have tolerated?
You wouldn’t. Think about our daughter, whom you told to make endless compromises in her new home; who was left alone while she was struggling in marriage by the person who was supposed to love her more than us; who was told she was melodramatic whenever she gathered the courage to express her pain!
Imagine how hurt she would have been? Imagine our pain as parents – how helpless we would have felt when she cried endlessly on phone seeking emotional support for her wounded soul.
How could we have tolerated when we saw how our daughter’s dreams were shattered; her happiness was sucked away; how she was isolated and left to feel lonely; How she was pushed into depression with every passing day.
For every person, who blames the girl or her parents for not tolerating enough or for being too sensitive – try walking in their shoes for a moment. Just imagine yourselves in our place and feel the pain. It is very easy for society to expect our daughters and their parents to suffer. But, why should they? No one deserves to be treated in a way that leaves them heartbroken and shattered for life.
No parent or daughter should be expected to tolerate such painful moments! At least we won’t!