In recent times, my marriage has hit a low point. With zillions of misunderstandings, my husband and I have lost the patience to discuss and sort things out. My marriage story is a real-life example of how in-laws ruin a marriage and then blamed the wife. Me, my job, and my parenting have all been blamed for my conflicts with my husband.
But this isn’t just my story. There are many others who are struggling in their marriage because their in-laws don’t acknowledge how they are ruining their son’s marriage.
Can you please stop blaming me for the problems in my marriage? Can you please stop telling me that I need to quit my job to work on the marriage? Can you please stop telling me to be more patient and attempt to understand your son? Can you please stop labeling me as the root cause for all the conflicts with your son? Because frankly, it’s not me! It’s you!
“Bahu is too busy with her work that she doesn’t have time to take care of our son & her marriage!”
While you were busy blaming my job for being busy, have you ever considered why I don’t have time for your son? It’s because of you! Your relentless effort to dump all unnecessary household chores on me and treat me like an educated maid! We don’t like what the maid cooks! We want to have freshly cooked food! Bahu Rani has to take full responsibility for the home and kitchen!
And, in midst of all the household chores and my office work, if I ever get any time to spend with your son, you are quick to taunt us –
“What you guys keep doing in your room all the time? You can talk to us as well! You can spend some time with us too! We are also your family”
Now, your son is so scared of your taunts that he doesn’t want to spend any time alone with his wife! Bravo! You must be so happy in letting the world know that your son still spends so much of his time with you! But, don’t forget the world know that you snatched away his wife’s time to please yourself.
Whenever I tried to make an attempt to go out with him alone, you made sure that you join us. From dinner dates to shopping to movies, you joined us everywhere; you turned the romantic affair into a family affair; you had no shame in snatching away all the opportunities from us to create our own special memories.
Even after two years of marriage as a couple, we have no connection. It still feels that I hardly know my husband. Sadly, in the quest to be a perfect son, your son chose to be a horrible husband. Rather than working on his marriage, he tends to ignore his wife only to make sure that you are happy.
Though you got your son married, you were never ready to share him with me. You can’t accept that there is someone in your son’s life who could be as important as you are to him.
You chose to keep yourself blind to my suffering. Rather you blamed me for the lack of love and affection in our marriage; You blamed me for the fights, which were our attempt to address our issues and concerns.
You blamed my job; my education; my nature; my parenting; my modern thought process. But while you were busy raising your finger at me or cursing me, I was trying hard to make my marriage work!
The only reason why I am still sticking around is that I love your son. But, with every passing moment, I am losing respect for you. As a married couple, we are trying hard to make our marriage work. We are emotionally troubled but we are just hoping that one-day things will calm down and the storm will recede.
I know you love your son a lot but have you ever considered how your over-involvement and intrusion in our marriage is making him unhappy! In your attempt to compete against me, you have put your son in a tough spot. While he is working hard to balance his life between you and me, I know he will choose to be a better son than a husband.
So while you keep blaming me, remember that the real reason why your son’s marriage is under so much stress is not because of your independent daughter-in-law. But because of intrusive and jealous parents.