Since time immemorial, many daughters across our society are fighting a battle to be treated like daughters after marriage. While our hypocritical society, tells the woman that she will be treated like a daughter in her new home after marriage, it is one blatant lie.
Definitely, there are some fortunate exceptions where daughters-in-law are treated as daughters. But, those cases are so small in number that they hardly tell the reality of Indian regressive society.
Like many women, I had dreams of being treated as a daughter after marriage. I promised myself to treat my in-laws as my own parents in the hope to be treated like their daughter. But I was so wrong.
My earlier days of marriage were full of drama, tears, and loneliness. I may have shed so many tears in one year than I would have in my whole lifetime. There was a point when I felt that the issues are with me; that I was being too demanding; that I was too emotional. My struggle to change myself and accepting reality did break me. I carried the burden of guilt that there was something wrong with me rather than the people who mistreated me.
But, things got clearer when I encountered the irony existing in our homes. Unfortunately, my sister-in-law faced the same issues that disturbed me. But, the only difference was that the people, who blamed me for my unhappiness or call me too emotional and too touchy, were able to empathize with my sister-in-law. My in-laws, my husband, who refused to understand the pain I was going through, were shattered and broken when their own daughter went through the same heart-breaking journey.
When my sister-in-law felt the same loneliness in my marriage that I felt; when my sister-in-law felt the same pinch of being ignored by her husband, my mother-in-law said: “Why he doesn’t understand that wife is a partner for life; her happiness is his responsibility!”
But, when I was ignored by my husband, my mother-in-law said: “Parents should be his priority. We gave him a better life by making endless sacrifices!”
On the very first day of marriage, she made it a point to tell me in front of all the relatives that how blood relationships are way thicker than any other relationship!
Just because I wasn’t her daughter, she couldn’t see my pain! She couldn’t see how wrong she was devoiding me of my husband’s love and attention!
When I was agitated by the pain, I was labeled as a negative, moody, fighter and much more. But when their own daughter felt the same pain; when she became equally irritable and restless, they understood her pain. She earned sympathies while I earned blame.
Don’t get me wrong. I am very sad that my sister-in-law had to bear the same pain that I did. Because no woman deserves anything less than love when she leaves her parents behind to start a new life.
But, I couldn’t stand the hypocrisy in our society, where people only understand the pain they inflicted on their daughter-in-law when their own daughter gets it. My husband and in-laws are still struggling to understand what they did to me was wrong! They couldn’t see how their daughter has been put to the same ill-treatment that they gave to me!
I wish society one day realizes that their daughter-in-law is also someone’s daughter. When they can realize what’s happening to their daughter is wrong, then how could the same people indulge in doing the same wrong stuff to someone else’s daughter. I wish one day people will realize – what goes around comes around! To ensure your daughter’s happiness, ensure your daughter-in-law’s happiness too!
I wish one day, our hypocrite society will understand the pain we can’t tolerate for our daughter, we shouldn’t gift it to our daughter-in-law! One day!