No one would deny that many young women are losing faith in the ancient institution of marriage. The main reason is the lack of EQUALITY in marriages.
It is heartbreaking to see how marriage – such an important aspect of our life – is so much deeply rooted in the regressive thought process. Even though a woman makes endless sacrifices to make it work, she finds herself being treated as an outsider not only by her in-laws but also by her own parents.
But, what pains the most is how in the process of becoming a wife and a daughter-in-law, she is expected to forget about being a daughter.
She is expected to enter into this beautiful alliance on the unsaid promise of giving up her freedom to take care of her parents at her own term. And sadly, our patriarchal society doesn’t seem to have any issue with it. Because, in the end, we are nothing more than ‘Paraya Dhan‘.
Even parents who have raised their daughters to be strong and independent, teach them to seek permission from their husbands and in-laws for doing anything important in their lives going forward.
In a country, where we romanticize with the idea of a perfect daughter-in-law, who takes permission from their in-laws and husband on every small matter of her life – be it kitchen or her career, then how is it possible that she can do the things for her parents at her own terms?
The hardest thing for any girl after marriage is to let go of the fact that she is away from her aging parents, who may have needed her the most while getting old. It’s worse the girls who are the only child of the family.
As a grown-up woman, she can’t even help her parents without the permission of her in-laws. The parents who used to take care of all her basic needs when she was a kid.
She keeps fighting her inner dilemmas while answering so many painful questions –
Why can’t she help her parents the way she used to do before she got married?
Why can’t she send money to her parents?
Why does she have to give her hard-earned money to her husband or in-laws?
Why can’t she visit her parents whenever she wants to?
Why she couldn’t help the ones – who paid her bills for more than two decades – who raised her like their son, gave her the best education, and made her financially independent?
Why she couldn’t pay the bills of her parent’s health – when they are sick – without seeking an approval nod from her in-laws and husband?
Why the girl who was raised to be no different than the “BETA” of the house, now couldn’t fulfill her basic responsibilities towards her parents at her own terms?
Why her rights and duties changed so much after her marriage?
While our patriarchal society may tell her that this is what it is and this is how it should be, but can you deny that is unfair? Shouldn’t it be her choice to help her parents both financially and emotionally even after her marriage, as a son does?
Shouldn’t it be her right to meet her parents as and when she wants, without asking for anybody’s permission?
Shouldn’t it be her choice to be the “BETA” of her family even after getting married?
In the 21st century, the only thing that could save the dying institution of marriage is EQUALITY. As a parent, we not only have to instill the sense of gender equality among our kids but also lead the way by following it.
Though we may be not able to treat our daughters-in-law as our own daughters, we should not devoid them of the basic love, care, respect, and independence that they deserve.
Because today’s independent Indian woman isn’t going to accept gender inequality. They want to see the change. Will you be part of that change?
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this post are the personal views of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of IforHer. The authors are responsible for any omissions or errors. And, IforHer does not assume any liability or responsibility for them.