Our society fails to understand that Divorce is not the tragedy, but making someone stay in a relationship with no respect & love is. It is heartbreaking how many would blame the girl and her parents if she takes a step to end her unhappy and torturous marriage to create a better future for herself.
It doesn’t surprise us because when our society raises her, it raises her with one expectation – Ladki Ko Bardast Karney Ki Aadat Honi Chahiye! (Girls should be used to bear the pain and suffering). But unlike our earlier generation, the women of today don’t want to succumb to the pressure of society and spend their whole life in the hope that one-day things will get better.
One such inspiring story is of this 23-year-old, who refuses to give up on her life because her husband didn’t turn out to be the man he should have.
While speaking with HoB, this inspiring soul mentioned how her two basic expectations were shattered by her marriage:
“Papa received a rishta for me when I was 21. I was okay with it, but I had 2 expectations– that I finish my studies and continue to work after marriage. He agreed and we got engaged!
We were thinking about moving to Canada after marriage. Papa offered to sponsor our trip if my in-laws didn’t want a lavish wedding– he couldn’t afford both. But my in-laws chose the wedding and Papa bore all the expenses– over 25 lakhs.
Initially, it was all fine, but 3 months into my marriage, my mom-in-law started saying, ‘
Tum kaam pe jaogi toh ghar ka kaam kaun karega?’
She’d expect me to wake up early and do chores till midnight. My husband didn’t back me either. And we had no privacy– I still remember going on a date, where she sat between us on his bike; it was very awkward.”
But this wasn’t it. It was just a matter of time that her husband and in-laws’ greed surfaced and they started disrespecting her parents:
“Things worsened when they started demanding another 25 lakhs from my family– Papa couldn’t afford it. My in-laws were furious– once, when I was about to visit my parents, my husband said, ‘Your dad isn’t giving us anything, he has no right to call you home.’ That was my breaking point– how could he disrespect my dad? So, I left and went to my parents’ house.
I told Papa everything. He was upset but advised me to be patient and try to make it work. I went back, but my husband and I stopped talking, while my mom-in-law’s taunts continued, ‘Bahut ziddi hai.’ Once, when a fight got unruly, my father-in-law interfered, which led to them fighting– he hit her. I was terrified and ran back to my parent’s place.”
She further added how a regressive perception of divorce stopped her from setting herself free:
“Even after all this, it was still scary to think of a divorce– I guess because of the perception of divorce in our society. I think if he’d apologized, I’d probably have gone back. But he never called– and for that I’m glad. For the first 2 months, I was so angry– why didn’t he stand up for me? But then I reminded myself, ‘You’re only 23, you can still turn your life around.’”
But, then she found the courage in herself to create a life of her dream for herself that she deserved:
“So I resumed my studies and after 4 months, I heard back from my dream university in Canada– I was off to finally live the life I was meant to. I even got a part-time job and started earning well. And 8 months into moving, I finally filed for a divorce. It’s been 6 months since and now I’m focusing on my career as a therapist. I don’t feel angry anymore– I’m happy where I am and I hope he is too. I’m not ashamed to have walked out of my marriage– I just did what was best for me…and that’s okay.”
At IFORHER, we are in awe of this bold soul for taking difficult yet inspiring steps to create a life of respect and dignity. We hope many more would seek inspiration from her and not feel guilty or ashamed to step out of an abusive marriage. Because we don’t deserve to live the rest of our lives in an abusive marriage with our shattered dreams. We deserve happiness as much as anyone else does.