Marriage – the one word that our Indian society is highly obsessed with. The day a girl is born, her parents start receiving unsolicited advice on how they need to save money for their daughter’s marriage. Then every decision in our life is taken keeping one thing in mind – how that decision will help us in getting married! Be it about how much should she study to making a choice about our career, everything is just about marriage.
Sadly, society’s over obsession with marriage is the reason behind how the reality of marriage is gift wrapped under the shiny glossy gift wrapper to make it desirable to the young generation, especially women!
After spending 3 years in married life, here is what I learned that no one told me about marriage. I wish my mother would have been a bit honest to let me know what being married really meant. My mother may not have shared the reality of marriage but I will make sure that my younger sister, colleagues, cousins, and my daughter know this before any they put themselves in the marriage ring!
#1: Don’t Rush To Make A Decision; Take Your Time
Never ever rush into a marriage, especially if you have met someone in an orchestrated manner with the sole aim to get married. Firstly, don’t believe all that you in the first couple of meetings. Don’t assume that everyone out there is good-natured, and looking for love.
Take more and more time to know the other person. Go on dates. Spend time with their family. Make sure they’re not just looking for a spouse, but someone they can connect with.
Don’t get under influence of your parents or Rishta Wali aunty. Remember, they are working on their agenda to get you married. You work on yours – To get married to the right person!
#2: Love & Attraction Isn’t Enough; Treating You As An Equal Partner Is Key
Doesn’t matter how handsome the man is! Doesn’t matter if you are head over heels in love with him, if he doesn’t treat you equally then nothing matters. Because, after marriage, you would be disappointed being treated as a second class citizen by the same man!
Does he value your dreams as he values his own?
Does he value your career as he values his own?
Does he value your need to be respected?
Is he ready to change his viewpoint if he encounters a flaw in his own?
Does he shy away from apologizing when he is wrong?
#3: Marriage is never about two people! It’s a family business.
It is heart-breaking how in our society, marriage is not just about the bride and groom. It is about the groom’s whole family! It’s not just important to know how the groom thinks but also important to know the ideology of the groom’s parents and siblings!
So before saying yes, spend time to understand the groom’s family too. Many Indian women shy away from understanding the groom’s parents’ thought-process and later suffer in silence. Don’t let your parents rush you to make the decision.
Please be prepared for nosey relatives challenging your boundaries, and you have to fight to keep them intact.
#4: Stand for your dignity, dreams, and self-respect
No one prepares you for this one. Rather your own parents will teach you how to compromise endlessly to maintain a good relationship with your husband and his family. They would give you gyan on how you need to be sanskaari and show respect to even those, who abuse you!
Don’t listen to them. In case you feel your dignity, dreams, and self-respect are being hurt, then stand for yourself because no one else will!
#5: Doesn’t Matter How Much You Trust A Guy; Definitely Do A Background Check
Doesn’t matter how much you or your family like the person, do a background check. Some people won’t like you to do a background check, don’t listen to them. Talk to people who know him; Find them on social media and see who their friends are, and where they’ve been. Meet their friends and make your own judgment.
Sadly, what I am telling you is to don’t take anything at face value. Make sure you know what you’re getting into. It’s better to be careful than being sorry!
#6: Remember that love is a choice
Unlike movies, there is no happily ever after. Like any beautiful journey, marriage is also full of bumps. During these bumps, it becomes tougher to carry on; it feels difficult to make it work; it makes you feel broken!
During that tough time, hold hands of your spouse and remind yourself that you are stronger than the tough time.
#7: Marriage is forever. But not always!
Many will tell you that marriage is forever. Please don’t believe in the bulls**t that we live once, we die once and we get married once.
Marriage is about choosing to love the same person every day for the rest of your life! There is no obligation. And, if the marriage doesn’t treat you right, it is fine to step out of it. Remember, marriage exists for you; you don’t exist for marriage! Don’t shy away from moving out of an abusive marriage!
