“Megha, I don’t want to discuss it with you. It is my family matter. And, I think it’s better if I discuss it with my sister and parents. I don’t feel comfortable discussing it with you!”“Sumit, but, am I not part of your family? We are married now. And, you still make me feel like an outsider! You keep hiding things from me. You keep countless secrets from me. You gang up with your parents and sister and bitch about me and my family. I don’t understand why you keep treating me like your enemy!”
But, this wasn’t the first time that my husband refused to discuss family matters with me. We have been married for almost 2 years now and my husband still believes that I am an outsider. It is heartbreaking because if my own husband feels that I am an outsider, what could I expect of my in-laws?
Last year, when I tried to offer some advice related to my husband’s cousin, who was abusing his wife, my husband and in-laws told me that it was their personal family matter! Seriously, personal family matter?
How my husband and his parents try so hard to keep secrets from me to maintain their shallow family honour is quite disgusting! It irks me how I have been reminded from time to time that I was an outsider! It makes me feel stupid that I left all my family for people, who keep calling me an outsider!
Like many young Indian women, I wanted a life partner who treats me like his own. I wanted a life partner who stands by me against the whole world. But, it is so unfortunate that I married a man, who treats me like an enemy rather than a life partner. It is so heartbreaking that I left everything for a man, who believes that I am the enemy of his family; that his family pain will give me pleasure. It’s not me sadly it’s his parents who find secretive pleasure in my parents’ pain; they enjoy it when my parents undergo any pain. I still ignore it and make a hard attempt to be part of this family! But, it’s sad that how so many times I have been shamed or hurt for my genuine attempts to be part of his family!
But, now I am tired and exhausted. I don’t want to be part of his family anymore. I don’t want to try anymore. Because if my every attempt is going to be seen as a sign of manipulation then I don’t want to make any effort anymore. I don’t want to be humiliated for making an effort to be a life partner!
But, this isn’t just my story. There are so many women who struggle hard to be part of their husband’s families after marriage. They are expected to accept everyone as their family while no one accepts them as part of their own! But, the most hurtful thing is the fact that their husbands who were supposed to treat them like their life partners treat them like their enemies.
To all the women struggling to become part of their husband’s family: “Please, remember it’s not you, it’s them! You have tried hard enough but if they are still not ready to accept you, then it’s their loss, not yours! If they can’t value your kind heart and loving soul, then it’s their loss! Stop blaming yourself for your husband’s and his parents’ flaws! You didn’t fail them, they failed you!