Have you ever wondered why does a well-educated and independent woman choose to stay in an abusive marriage, even when she gets bruises and hurt in return?
This question has bothered many of us. We hear multiple incidents of strong and independent women accepting domestic abuse, and not talking about it.
We are left wondering why they never raise their strong voices against abuse?
But recently, this woman came forward to share her story of courage and why it was the most difficult thing to move out of an abusive marriage.
She shares the dilemma that many domestic abuse victims go through as they continue to stay in a toxic relationship.
Recalling what she went through, this brave woman shared with HoB:
“I fell for him almost immediately — he was my ‘dream guy.’ I was so smitten by him, I told my parents about us immediately because I couldn’t wait to be married.
He was a shippy, so we spent a lot of time apart, but I still managed to talk to him everyday until one day, someone messaged me asking me why I was texting her ‘boyfriend’.
That was the first red flag.
Turns out, he was cheating on us both… But I was blind in love— he kept apologizing and convincing me to marry him. Naively, I forgave him and agreed.
And before I walked down the aisle, my father looked at me and pleaded,‘ I wish you would just walk out and run away from here right now.’
But I didn’t listen…I wanted to ‘fight for what I loved!’
Eventually he started getting abusive, something my in-laws chose to ignore. It was hell — on the surface, we were the ‘perfect couple,’ no one knew the truth. And still he continued to cheat after marriage, but I was so vulnerable…I couldn’t leave.
The problem with abuse is that it sucks you in — and then you think that it’s what you deserve.
He even had the audacity to raise his hand on me in front of my father… I’ve never seen my dad that heartbroken, but I still held on.
Everything changed when my father passed away, the last thing he tried to do was get me to leave him… so through that grief I got my wake up call– I no longer wanted anything to do with this man.
If I have any regrets today, it’s that my father passed away fearing that something would happen to me.
He’d raised me to be strong and confident, and I had signed away my freedom by falling for the wrong guy — I needed to get a hold of my life.
I moved out, took a loan and got myself a place.
I had big dreams once upon a time…I decided to focus my energy on my career. I landed a job in equities and began to work harder than I had ever before.
I started making a killing and managed to pay off a 20 year loan on my apartment in 2 years! I look after my mother — ME, someone who always needed to be taken care of!
I finally found freedom…emotionally and financially.
I’ve fallen in love with myself — I look forward to getting into pjs, watching Netflix and binging on all kinds of junk. I travel solo to a new country every year…I’m making memories with myself!
But don’t get me wrong, this douche hasn’t made me cynical — I still very much want my fairytale!
But this time it’ll be after I’m complete myself…it’ll be because I fell in love with a someone, not out of the NEED to be with someone.
I’m proud of myself today, and I hope my father…wherever he is, is proud of me too.
I just want to say to him, ‘I finally became the hero I was looking for my entire life…and it’s all because of you, dad.”
At I FOR HER, we celebrate this woman’s courage to finally move out of the toxic relationship.
We hope her story inspires many more to gather the courage to stand against the abuse and the abuser!
If you know of anyone who is struggling in a toxic marriage, please ask them to stay in a toxic relationship for any reason! Please don’t convince them that lack of financial stability is a good enough reason to be mistreated, insulted and abused.
Rather help them find ways to move out of this abuse. Because no one deserves to suffer in silence.