“Mom, I am trying really hard to make them accept me as a part of the family. I get up at 5:30 am to make sure no one has to step into the kitchen. And, when I come back in the evening, I make sure that I serve tea and cook dinner for everyone. But still, they are not happy! They treat me like an outsider. Whenever they want to discuss something important, they would either send me to the kitchen to do some chores or would gather in a separate room. Whenever I make an attempt to be part of their family, they cut me off. Mom, I don’t understand what more can I do to be treated like a family member and not as a cook or maid. I really want them to treat me like a part of the family. What should I do?”
“Beta, believe me. More than anyone, I would love you to be treated as a part of the family. And, I will support you in every way possible. But, here is what I want you to know – that it doesn’t matter how much you give to toxic people, it is never enough. You might keep burning yourself to keep others warm. But, sadly, toxic people will never realize your value! Your father and I raised you to be loving and caring. But, we also raised you to lead a life of self-love and dignity! You can’t lead a life of people pleaser by sacrificing yourself!”
I may not have taken my mother’s words seriously at that moment. But, after working really hard to please people around me, I realized how foolish I was to ignore her! For almost a year, I tried really hard to be accepted as a part of the family. From ignoring people’s hurtful comments to accepting ill-treatment in name of respect of elders, I did everything to make my husband’s family accept me as a part of their own. But, with every passing moment, with every abusive tactic, my mother’s words sounded like the ultimate truth that I shouldn’t have ignored. Now, as I am learning to stand for myself, I have stopped pleasing people for the sake of acceptance.
Dear women who are trying really hard to seek acceptance, love and care in marriage, please don’t kill yourself for others. Stop prioritizing others over your own self. Because, if people don’t accept you the way you are; they don’t love you the way you are, then probably it isn’t worth it. As a woman, society expects women to give up everything for the sake of marriage; for the sake of husband; for the sake of in-laws; for the sake of kids! But, when the same woman seeks acceptance, love, respect and care in return, she is left disappointed, heartbroken and lonely.
Dear women, don’t burn yourself to keep others happy! The one’s who deserve you will never expect you to sacrifice yourself and your dreams for them. And, the ones who expect you to, don’t deserve you! Remember, doesn’t matter how much you do for toxic people, they will never accept you! So, please learn to live for yourself rather than sacrificing yourself as society expects you to!