Marriage – a single word that changes life for many women across the country. While many women perceive it as a lifetime relationship of love, trust and care, for some it turns out to be nothing more than a position of cook, maid and nanny!
In case you are blessed to have a loving husband and supportive in-laws, I am very happy for you. But, that doesn’t mean people like me, who are deprived of the basic respect, love and care in the relationship of marriage don’t exist. We very much exist; Our pain is very much real. And sadly, you have what we always dreamt of but never received – the family with a loving husband and supportive in-laws!
Like many other women, we were told to love our husbands the most; we were told to serve them and their parents before we even think about ourselves; we were told that family and our husbands’ aspirations come first and then our career; we were told to forget our parents, family and home and treat our husband’s home and family like our own!
While we keep sacrificing everything for our husbands and their families, our husbands are told to prioritize their families over us. They are told to be good sons or brothers, than to be good husbands. They are told to treat their parents and siblings as their top-most priority. They are told parents come first and then anyone else.
So, while we are expected to tear apart our self-worth to please others; while we are asked to destroy our self-respect for other’s shallow egos, there is nothing we get in return – no love, no care and no respect!
Soon, we, women realize that our marriage isn’t going to turn out as we imagined. We are not better halves. Rather we are urbanized modern slaves with the label of wife! Even after being married into a well-educated, rich and elite family, the story of my marriage was no different.
While I would try to do everything for my husband and his family, people would attempt to break my self-worth; shatter my confidence in front of my husband who would refuse to take a stand for me. I would wonder how on earth it was happening to me? How I was broken so much that I couldn’t even remember when was the last time I was happy!
It took me 4 years of abuse to realize that while I was treating my husband as my first priority, he was treating me his last.
For him, being a good son was much more important than being a husband. So, after struggling for 4 years, I finally decided that my husband wouldn’t be my first priority when for him I was his last. I finally decided that I won’t let anyone break me anymore. I won’t allow anyone to lower my self-worth and treat me like dirt.
With time, as I started rebuilding myself on my own, my husband realized that how he failed me as a husband. How I dedicated all my life to him and his family, while they kept emotionally abusing me. It took him so much time to realize that marriage is a relationship of equals; it isn’t the relationship where you keep expecting from women without giving anything in return.
While my husband and I are building our marriage again, here is a message for every woman struggling in marriage for love and respect: Dear You, No one deserves a life, where you are treated last while putting others first. So, stop burning yourself to keep undeserving people warm. Give what you receive. People who don’t understand your value, don’t deserve your kindness. Please stand for yourself. Because if you won’t then no one will.