Why do we get married? The question that I have asked myself uncountable times in the last 4 years. And, every time, I arrived at only one and one answer – LOVE. We marry for love that brings lifelong companionship and happiness. But, what if you don’t get love after marriage? What if you are made to beg for love? What if you are made to chase people for love? What if you give up on your self-esteem and pride in the hope that you will get love, but you still don’t?
Like many women, I dreamt of happily ever after. I was so dedicated to the idea of marriage and love, that I was sure that I will make it work; that I’ll give everything that it takes; that I’ll make my happily ever after. I was so committed to making the marriage work that I forgot it takes two to make it work!
While I gave up my parents, my career, my respect, my happiness to make this marriage work, my husband held onto his ego. My husband, who is a very good son, just wasn’t ready to become a husband. From ignoring me to make his parents feel secure to making me yearn for love, my husband broke my dream of happily ever after.
I would be lying if I say I haven’t done things to compromise my pride and my self-respect to make this marriage work. While many may judge me and call me a doormat, I did everything that I could have to make my husband love me. From giving up on my self-respect to letting my in-laws shatter my confidence to letting my parents being disrespected to begging for love; I did everything to make my husband and in-laws happy.
I was so much focused to make my husband like me and love me, that I was ready to suffer every abuse silently. In the hope that one day my husband would see my sacrifices and love me back, I let my husband and in-laws treat me like a doormat.
I was so stupid that I always blamed myself for not getting the love a wife should get from a husband. I thought maybe I am not good looking; maybe I am not working hard on my marriage; maybe I am not sacrificing enough. And, after begging for love for almost 4 years, I realized the ugly reality. I realized that my husband isn’t going to change. Doesn’t matter how much I sacrifice or I beg for love, he won’t turn into a husband that I deserve.
And, after giving so much to this marriage, I don’t want to give anything to it anymore.
I have realized that the right person won’t make you beg for love; the right person won’t stomp over your self-respect; the right person won’t let you break yourself to make the relationship work; the right person won’t let you shatter! So, as I am moving forward in my life, hope my story would give courage to every woman, who is trying too hard to make her marriage work. It’s not you; It’s him!
