“Manisha, can’t you see – the baby is crying? What’s wrong with you?”
“Did you serve dinner to Mummy-Papa? It’s late. Why you don’t keep track of time for their dinner?”
“Why the house is so dirty? I don’t even feel like coming back from home! Why can’t you just take care of the house?”
“Where is your attention these days! Why I need to remind you about obvious things that you need to do to take care of kids and family!”
It is disappointing that this insulting tone is part of the lives of so many women across our patriarchal society. Our men don’t shy away from blaming their wives for not taking care of the kids, families, and home properly.
It is a matter of great shame how many wives suffer from chronic lack of self-esteem, a feeling of being overused and disrespected. While many even fall prey to depression, there are some who lead a life of broken dreams and lack of dignity!
It is disgusting how some men and their families treat wives even worse than maids and nannies. People not only give respect to the maids but also pay them for their services. On the contrary, some women don’t even get basic respect. Sadly, these women feel used and exploited.
Devoid of self-respect, these women spend their lives taking care of the whole family while being abused, insulted, and harassed. Stemming from the patriarchal thought process, many men believe that their wives are responsible for taking care of their parents and family.
These men expect women to perform the activities of maids, nannies, and cooks without giving them love, care, and equality which defines any marriage. Here is a short note to such men on what they need to understand about marriage and treating their wives:
1. She isn’t your employee; She is your family; You can’t keep expecting her to take care of your home, kids, and family without taking care of her. You can’t expect her to be there for everyone while she struggles alone with her life battles. Please remember she is not in your life to serve; she is here to love and be loved!
2. She did not marry you to take orders for you. Stop expressing your authority over her. She is not there to bear your insulting tone. She isn’t married to you to be emotionally abused. Rather than shaming her for not taking care of the family fully; be grateful to her for whatever she is doing for you and others. Stop treating her as someone inferior to you; Accept her as your equal.
3. Kids and family are your responsibility as much as hers. So, next time while shaming, blaming, or insulting her for not being a good enough mother or daughter-in-law, remember you are equally responsible. Before asking her to be a better wife, mother, or daughter-in-law, be a better husband first.
4. Stop pushing her into the deep pit of depression and loneliness. Stop ganging up with your family to make her feel less. If you can’t respect her; don’t expect her to go out of her way to treat you and your family with respect. Don’t forget respect and love are two-way streets. You get what you give!
Dear Men, your wife is as educated as you are; she comes from a great family just like you! She is as loved by her family as you! So next time, when you blame and insult her, remember she doesn’t deserve to be treated so miserably. While she treats you with love, affection, and respect, why can’t you do the same? If you treat her right, she will stand for you and your family like a rock! Please remember Marriage is a two-way street, and it cannot survive on ego and orders!
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