Every marriage has its ups and downs. Every relationship has its sunny and dark days. But, what makes any marriage or relationship successful is the ability to sail through the clouds and thundering storms towards the relaxed, peaceful, and calm shore. No one can do it without an indefinite amount of trust.
But, what if you are married to a person who makes constant attempts to breach your trust.
The one who refuses to share everything with you; but chooses his mom to share things that are too personal for any couple. The one who refuses to involve you in his decisions, but feels it is mandatory to seek suggestions from his mother on anything and everything! The one who belittles your existence to please his mother’s ego! The one who is excessively influenced by or attached to his mother.
Frankly, I have no issue if a son is attached to his mother. Everyone is. But, what I have an issue with is not knowing where to draw the line.
I married one such person who doesn’t know where to draw the line when it comes to his mother. And believe me, it is really difficult to handle it after a point. It makes you wonder why you are married in the first place; it makes you feel so distant and lonely in your marriage; It makes you think “I didn’t sign up for this”.
While many times, we tend to blame the mothers but isn’t it high time that men acknowledge it as their fault as well? Isn’t it the failure of a man as a husband if he tends to share everything and anything with his mother about his marriage. Why some husbands struggle to draw a line on what needs to be shared; what’s not; what’s needs to be said, what’s not; what needs to be done, what’s not!
Many women struggle with the unending burden of misunderstanding and complexities in their marriage. And, the reason is just one – they are married to a mama’s boy.
Mama’s boy is not someone who loves his mom, rather he is someone who is excessively influenced by or attached to his mother.
In my marriage, I faced many struggles that women who are married to a mama’s boy can relate to. Through this letter, I want my husband to know how he needs to stop being mama’s boy and stop indulging in toxic behaviors that are ruining our marriage. Hopefully, not just my husband, but every mama’s boy understands that these behaviors are killing his marriage!
Dear Husband, Stop your never-ending comparisons! Seriously, they hurt!
“Reena, this halwa is okay. But you should ask mom’s recipe. She makes it so smooth that it really melts in the mouth.”
I can understand that you love your mother’s cooking. But, every time, when I cook something, you don’t need to compare it and give your review comments – how your mother is a great cook! Sometimes, just a bit of appreciation towards your wife’s wood is more than enough! Your habit of making unsolicited comparisons between me and your mom is not only unfair but also insensitive and mean.
Dear Husband, Stop bitching about me to your mother; if you have issues talk to me!
There are so many times I have caught you complaining to your mother about me; How I do things my way; How I sleep till 10 on weekends; How I don’t cook food that you like; How we fought because of me and so much more. I wonder have you ever realized how unfair the bitching talks with your mother sound. I hope you realize that it’s high time that you stop being mama’s boy and man up!
Dear Husband, I am not your mother; So please stop expecting me to pamper you as your mom did!
Don’t tell me how your mother would have sacrificed everything for you to keep you happy; How your mother would have never asked to do laundry or wash utensils when the maid takes a day off; I want you to remember that I am your wife, not your mother!
Dear Husband, Stop being so dependent on your mother for every smallest decision of your life, home, and marriage!
“Mummy, we are going to buy some cushion covers for home. Do you think red or yellow?”
Sorry to break it to you dear husband, you don’t live with your mother. You live with your wife. So, when it comes to even the tiniest of the decision why you ask your mother! Why does your mom decide which color of cushion cover do we need? Why your mom’s words are the last words for you! The worst is when we decide something as a couple and then later you change your decision, just because your mother thinks otherwise.
As a society, aren’t we too harsh on mothers for being overprotective and over-possessive about their sons? Shouldn’t it be the men, who tend to refuse to be husbands and take up their own responsibility? Why we don’t put the onus on men to be mature enough? Why we don’t ask men to stop being mama’s boy, and man-up!