Sneha, why you keep crying all the time? Why can’t you be happy like other daughters-in-law? Why do you keep complaining all the time? Why do you keep turning me against my family? Why do you keep manipulating me? Why do you have so many problems with my family? Can you please stop poisoning me against my family?
My husband said to me without understanding the pain and agony that I went through after marriage. My husband and I were college mates and fell in love in due course of time. But, it shook me how the person who knew me so well could even think that I would poison him against his family for my selfish gains.
It is sad and heartbreaking that my husband saw my desire to be loved and respected as my attempt to turn him against his family.
This isn’t the first time that I heard a wife or a daughter-in-law being labelled as a villain just because she expected to be treated with dignity. I am not the only one who has been labelled as a family’s common enemy. A few of my friends faced similar brutality in their marriage. Whenever they chose to share their pain with their husband for being ill-treated, the husband without acknowledging their sufferings, blamed them for manipulating them against their family.
This made me wonder why Indian men refuse to see the pain of their wives. Rather than comforting them, why do they blame them for raising a voice against the ill-treatment?
Why do they perceive their wives’ attempt to stand against the abuse as an act of disrespect to their family? Why the partner they pledged to spend their rest of the lives suddenly becomes an enemy just because she calls out the abusive behaviour and demands to be treated with respect!
Dear Husband, No wife shies away from making adjustments and sacrifices for the family where she is loved and cared.
But, expecting a woman to make sacrifices when she doesn’t get any respect or love is so unfair! Asking her to respect those who don’t leave a chance to insult her or her family and shatter her confidence is nothing less than emotional abuse.
While you force her to make everyone happy, have you ever considered her happiness? Neither she is loved nor valued in the home that she thought would accept her as one of its own! Be in her shoes and think about living in the environment where you have been ripped of all the rights to live life on your own terms; where you are shamed for not being an adequate wife, daughter-in-law, mother and much more.
In the midst of constant taunts and insults, if she gathers the courage to speak up for herself or shares her pain with you, she is either labelled as a family wrecker or a manipulator or a son stealer. It is sad how you refuse to acknowledge her pain and expect her to suffer in silence in the toxic environment.
I wish someone makes you understand that when your wife shares her pain with you, she doesn’t want to manipulate you. She just wants to seek your help to be treated with respect and dignity. She just wants you to listen to her and help her sail through the tough phase of her life. She left everything for you in the hope that she will get love, care and respect. Now when she is struggling, you see her as an outsider who is trying to poison you against your family.
She doesn’t want to turn you against your family. She just wants you to support her to carve out a place for her in your home.
She wants you to stand for her. But, that doesn’t mean she wants you to stop loving your parents. She wants to seek your help on how to create a home where she is respected and loved like a daughter. She wants to create a home where she is not taunted or insulted for being herself.
So rather than shaming and blaming her, could you please man up and stand for her dignity and happiness. Could you please create a home where your wife is treated as your equal?
While you are a very good son, can for once you could try to be a considerate husband too? Could you please stop telling your wife to suffer in silence and stand for her dignity? Hope one day, you would realize how your wife left everything behind to start a new life with you in the hope of a happy dignified life and your silence failed her! You failed her!