“We just want to have a sanskaari daughter-in-law. Everyone can be educated, but not everyone could have values. Will they respect us? Will they love us and accept us as their own family? You know, good sanskaari daughters-in-law make families, whereas, unsanskaari daughters-in-law break homes and families.”, a to-be groom’s mother told my father as we met for a rishta meeting.
“But, why just daughter-in-law? It is important for us to see if our son-in-law and his family are sanskaari enough to take care of our daughter! Will they just expect our daughter to be respectful towards them or they would also respect our daughter? Will they let her follow her dreams? Will they love and accept her as their own family?” – my father replied back to make sure that the groom and his family understands that it is not just his daughter who needs to be sanskaari, but also them.
How my father took a stand for his daughter was quite refreshing. We have always heard people expecting daughters-in-law to be sanskaari, how many times have you heard anyone asking in-laws if they are sanskaari enough for their daughters?
Our Society & Its Expectation From Daughter-In-Law To Be Sanskaari
While it is very common for our society to expect every daughter-in-law to be sanskaari, no one ever checks if the in-laws are sanskaari enough! As a society, we keep expecting our daughters-in-law to be value-driven; to be family-oriented; to be capable enough to treat in-laws with respect & love. But, have we ever held in-laws accountable? Do we assess how value-driven they are? Will they love and respect our daughters as they expect them to?
Times have changed but marriage as an institution is still deeply rooted in a regressive thought process. Indian marriages are still unequal partnerships where girls and their families are at receiving end. It is heart-breaking how the burden of expectations mostly falls on the shoulders of women. It is this unequal level of expectations that make marriages look like a trap where women sacrifice, while men enjoy!
But, I’m really happy that things are changing. Thanks to some progressive parents, like my father, who don’t want their daughters to be part of a relationship that just keeps expecting from them rather than giving them something in return. They are raising daughters to be strong and independent, who expect nothing less than an equal partnership! They are raising daughters to not only give respect but also seek it in return; not only give love but also seek it in return!
We live in a country, where so many educated and independent women struggle at the hands of controlling in-laws and toxic husbands. Holding not just our daughters but also her husband and in-laws accountable for values, would be a great step in the direction of building a better society. It’s high time society should stop holding just women accountable for building successful relationships and happy families and start expecting the same from men and their families! Because, if they can’t treat your daughters as equal, they might not deserve them either!