“Riya, you are my wife. If I won’t expect you to be there when I need someone, then what’s the point of our marriage. If you can’t be there for my parents, for my sister then what’s the point of being married! Isn’t a married couple is expected to be there for each other?”
“Rahul, you so easily blamed me for not being there for you; for not being there for your family. In the last 4 years, I have always been there for you; I took an unpaid 3 months leave to support your parents’ ill-health; I made sure I was there for you when you needed me; I made endless sacrifices to be there for your sister and you!
But have you ever wondered how many times have you been there for me? When my father fell sick, you were so busy with the office work that you just visited him just 2 times in a hospital; When my mother underwent knee surgery, you asked me to go alone and meet her! When my brother wanted to come and stay with us for his studies – you refused as it would have been uncomfortable for family. Have you wondered how many times have I gone the extra mile to make sure I am there for you and your family!”
“Riya, you are my wife; you are their daughter-in-law. After marriage, you are a wife first and daughter later!” “Rahul, then why you are not a husband before being a son!”
I do understand the importance of being there for each other in the relationship. But, when only one person keeps sacrificing; when only one person keeps giving; when only one person keeps fulfilling the needs of others – it is not a relationship; it is exploitation!
I always wanted to be there for you and your family. But, I wanted you to be there for me and my family too! Marriage is about equal partnership! Marriage is about being there for each other; Marriage is not about the wife bearing all the burden of responsibilities and sacrifices, while the husband enjoys the perks of the relationship! Rahul, you can’t expect me to be there for you when you are not there for me! Period!”
Realizing how serious I was about the whole matter, Rahul promised me that he would try his level best to be there for me and my family! There are still times when Rahul isn’t there for me when I need him. But, he is atleast trying to be there most of the time!
It is heartbreaking how Indian men are not taught how to be good husbands! They don’t have great role models to learn from. In a patriarchal society, where women are expected to serve men and their families, the new generation of women refuse to follow these rules. Rather than just being there for others, they expect others to be there for them too! Rather than just expecting to serve others, they expect others to serve them too! I wish Indian men would soon realize that their wives are not there to serve them; they are not there to make endless compromises just because they are women! They are there to demand equality. They are there to work on the marriage, but only if men are ready to work too! They are ready to give 100% to their marriage only if men do the same! They are there to be with their husbands when they need them, but they expect the same in return!
So dear Indian Men, times have changed. Stop expecting your wife to be there for you when you can’t be there for her!