“Riya, how many times I have to tell you – Stop bothering me with these stupid things of who said what to you. You are not a kid and I am not your dad to keep fighting with people for you. You are a grown-up so please act like one. Please sort out your own matter! ”, my husband yelled at me just because I was sharing how I felt heartbroken after my mother-in-law insulted me for going to meet my father as he was struggling after my mother’s death. I was so stupid that I thought my husband would understand my pain as I lost my mother to a sudden heart attack last year. But, rather than comforting me, he yelled at me for no fault of mine.
Rather than apologizing the next day, he just said – “I yelled at you because I was under pressure. I have many things at work that are bothering me and hence, I might have said a word or two that I shouldn’t have!”
But this wasn’t the first time that my husband yelled at me under the excuse of pressure. This is happening for quite some time now. In the last 3 years of marriage, my husband has yelled at me multiple times. And, every time, he has blamed work stress or family pressure for his abusive behaviour.
But, sadly, this isn’t just my husband’s story. There are quite a lot of men, who become abusive and then give an excuse of how they were under pressure!
To those men, I have a gentle reminder – “Dear men, just because you are under pressure, it doesn’t give you a right to be abusive. It doesn’t give you a right to say hurtful things just because you had a bad day at the office. You are not the only one who is leading a stressful life. Stop using us, the women of the house, as your punching bags to cope with stress!
You may have pressure, but so do women!
Women, who multitask at the different fronts, are not under any less pressure. But, that doesn’t mean we start abusing our family under the excuse of stress. While we are under so much of pressure, we still strive hard to make sure that we are there for our family! When we are under stress, you expect us to take care of your family, but when you are under stress, you feel it is okay to abuse us!”
Even though it is the 21st century, it is heartbreaking how many men either treat their wives as punching bags or doormats. They expect women to suffer their abuse silently just because they couldn’t handle their stress! Dear men, please join yoga sessions or meditation classes or stress management sessions if you can’t handle your stress. Because, we are not your punching bags, we are your wives!
