Marriage isn’t easy. But being a married man for 5 years, I have no shame in confessing that marriage is tougher on women than men. It took me a long time to understand this ugly reality that we as a society expect women to give up so much for marriage, while they hardly get anything in return.
Here I am sharing my story in a hope that it may help many men to be better husbands. Because our wives definitely deserve better!
“Shweta, why are you crying? Why can’t you be happy? Why do you keep complaining? What do you have against my parents? Could you please stop manipulating me? Why don’t you make an attempt to accept them as your family?”
Without any understanding of what my wife was going through, I kept blaming my wife for ruining the family environment, for picking up fights with me and for complaining endlessly. I was blinded to how she was breaking from inside. I assumed that with time, she will realize how wrong she was in behaving the way she was. But then with time, I realized how wrong I was.
When we sought help from a relationship expert, I was made to see the reality that I was completely blinded to. I joined the counselling sessions assuming that my wife will realize how she was ruining our marriage and how it is high time that she changes herself. Rather, I learnt so much about marriage and the things that I needed to change as a husband to make my marriage work. I hope someone could have taught me all this earlier so that my wife didn’t have to go through so much agony – because of me and my family.
Before I share what I learnt, here is an important disclaimer: I love my parents and sister. But, I can’t deny the fact that my wife is as much part of my family and life as my parents and sister. I want to be a good son, a good brother but also a good husband. I don’t agree that one can’t be a good son if he is a good husband or otherwise.
Here’s what I learnt and hope many more husbands would understand this truth about marriage:
Dear Men, Please stop telling your wives that they need to stop complaining; that they need to try to be happy; that their consistent sadness and tears are ruining the marriage and the family atmosphere.
Please stop telling your wives to make endless changes and adjust to your family’s ill-treatment. Stop pushing them to let go of the disrespectful things that have been said and done to her by your family.
When she opens up about her misery, please do not tell her that she is manipulating you or poisoning you against your family.
Your wife is neither ruining your happiness nor disrespecting your parents. When she opens up about how disrespected or lonely she feels in the home.
Dear Men, Happiness at home comes from being the ability to be yourself, be loved, be valued and be treated equally. So rather than blaming your wife for complaining too much or crying too much, make sure your home and family is treating her well.
We want her to respect our family, but don’t expect our family to treat her well.
We want her to keep our family happy, but we don’t care about her happiness at all!
We want her to accept our family as her own, but we don’t care if she is accepted as a family!
Please remember, your wife isn’t a bad person. She is stuck in bad circumstances because of you. Please stop blaming or insulting her for being emotional. Please make your home environment friendly for her, because she deserves it, And remember she came to your home, you are responsible for her happiness – not the other way round!