“Reena, you can’t wear such clothes. Papa Mummy don’t like it. My sister can wear those because she is a daughter of the family; not daughter-in-law!”
“Reena, stop working late hours. My family doesn’t like it. I understand you are ambitious, but there are certain things that you shouldn’t do as a daughter-in-law, and coming home late is one of those!”
“You can’t go to your family place! My parents won’t like it. Why do you need to spend the festival there? I do know your parents are alone but papa mummy would like you to spend the festival with them! After all, you are their daughter-in-law!”
“No, Reena you can’t spend the night at your friend’s place. I know your childhood friends are having a sleepover. But, my parents won’t accept it. No daughter-in-law in our family has ever spent the night without the family!”
These are just some of the occasions when I was told not to follow my heart just because my husband and his family weren’t comfortable with it. But, this isn’t just my story. This is the reality of many women across the world, who are expected to give up on their dreams and life just because they are married! They are told to live life on someone else’s terms. They are told to seek permission for the minutest decision of their life from either their husbands or their parents.
Doesn’t matter how much educated you are or how independent you are, many families still force their daughters-in-law to seek permission. Sometimes in name of respect, sometimes in name of sanskaar (family values), women are controlled and forced to live life as per the rules defined by their husbands and their parents.
But, these rules are just for the daughter-in-law. Husband can do anything under the sun without his parents’ permission but how could his wife? If a wife takes a decision without seeking permission from the husband and his parents – it is a sign of huge disrespect. Then why don’t the same rules apply to the husband?
After being disturbed about the ill-treatment at home, I sought help from the expert. Because I just couldn’t lead an unhappy life for the rest of my life. With the help of experts, I realized how to take a stand for myself without feeling guilty about it. Why I shouldn’t lead a life controlled by my husband and in-laws. Expert helped my husband to understand how his desire of controlling me was becoming the leading cause of unhappiness in marriage, which was bringing sadness in his life too!
As my husband and I are working to find the right balance in our marriage, here are two cents for men who expect their wives to live life as per the family’s rules.
Your wife isn’t a puppet of your family. She has her own desires and expectations. You can’t let your family pull the strings in her life and decide her fate. Stop controlling her in name of family value and sanskaar. If the rules of seeking permission don’t apply to you, then why push her to follow those?
You wanted to marry a strong and independent woman but after marriage, you have issues with the same strength and independence. You wanted a woman with an opinion but after marriage you expect that woman to turn into a yes person for you and your family!
You ask her to sacrifice her dreams and aspirations. Imagine if you had to sacrifice yours for the sake of your wife or her family? You ask her to wear clothes that your parents like. Imagine if her parents tell you what you are allowed to wear and what not!
Adjustments are key for any relationship, but why expect only the wife to make all the adjustments to make the marriage work. In the journey to lead a happy life, don’t make your wife a victim; don’t make her strangle her dreams and aspirations for others; don’t expect so much from her that she forgets who she was in the first place!
Dear Men, stop expecting your wife to be a puppet of your family and your expectations. She is an individual. Respect her for who she is; because that’s True Love!