The Dilemma Of Many Men: Good Son Or A Good Husband?
“Sneha, since the day of our engagement, I am under constant stress that is difficult to express in words. Whatever I do, I either land up hurting you or mom. I don’t want to be a bad husband, but I don’t want to be a bad son either!
There are times when I know you are being treated unfairly and I want to take a stand for you. But then I feel that taking a stand for you will hurt my mother, and I would be a bad son!
My parents have done so much for me. They have raised me under extreme circumstances; you don’t know how hard they worked so that they could send me to a good college. They have faced extreme circumstances to make me who I am!
After they have done so much for me, I don’t know how to tell them that they need to change! And, even if I would do they will see how I am trying to favor you over them!”, my husband tells me his most honest views about how he feels divided between being a son and a husband.
While I carry my own set of problems of living in a family that doesn’t respect me, I could totally understand the pain that my husband was going through. Though I was happy that at least he acknowledges that what I have been put through is not fair, I feel heartbroken how he feels that being a good husband means that he isn’t being a good son!
“Karan, I want you to be a good son. Every child should always be good and great to their parents. We owe it to them. But, what breaks my heart is the fact that you think you could either be a good husband or a good son. It shocks me how you think that being a caring and supportive husband will make you a bad son!”
Like, Good Parents Help Kids To Correct Their Mistakes, Good Sons Help Parents Correct Theirs!
When we make a mistake, our parents do point out how we are handling a particular situation wrong. How they make us see our mistakes and encourage us to correct it. Does it make them a bad parent? Then, how letting them know that they could treat your partner better, make you a bad son?
Respect Is A Two Way Street: Get Their Wives Treated Well To Ensure They Treat Parents Well Too
Many husbands tend to forget that respect is a two-way street. So, if they expect wives to respect their parents, they need to make sure that parents respect their partners too. Sadly, they always shy away from having this conversation with their parents in the fear of being misjudged to be a bad son. The result is that parents don’t respect the daughter-in-law and the daughter-in-law doesn’t respect the parents. And, there is constant tussle and unhappiness between the in-laws and the partner.
Infact, a man can be a good son by choosing to be a good husband.
Because, if he treats his wife well, the wife will make sure to take care of her in-laws better. If he would be a better husband, she would be a better daughter-in-law too! If the husband takes the initiative and explains to his parents that their daughter-in-law would love them and treat them with respect if as a family we treat her right too – The things would have been much better!”
While my husband and I are still trying to find out the best way to drive our marriage forward, my husband has understood one thing that he can be a good husband and good son too.
The Bottom Line
Sadly, many Indian men believe that they have to be bad husbands just to prove they are good sons even when they don’t want to. Sadly, that’s not the truth. Being a good son and a good husband aren’t mutually exclusive. I wish we raise better men who know that they can be good sons who love their parents AND be good husbands who love their wives at the same time!
Dear Men, please don’t let society fool you into believing that you can’t be a good son if you are a good husband. Because that’s not true!