“Mummy, why you are ruining your daughter’s marriage. Stop feeding her with your negative thoughts. I know it’s you, who keeps telling her to answer back to my parents; it’s you, who keep pumping her against my parents and me. She never used to answer back, it’s you who is teaching her how-to! She never used to be rude to my parents, now she doesn’t leave a chance! I know you never liked me or my parents. You were against me and my parents from the day Riya told you that she likes me. Since then, you are trying so hard to break our marriage! You should be ashamed of yourself Mummyji for breaking your daughter’s home!” my son-in-law tells me as my daughter Riya refuses to go back to her husband’s house as she was tired of being abused by her in-laws, while her husband blinded himself to the abuse.
“Beta, I am not the one breaking your marriage. It’s you. While Riya could blame your parents for the abuse and you can blame me for taking a stand for my daughter – it’s you, who never stood for your marriage. You were so much bothered about being your parents’ good son that you refused to become a husband. You were so occupied with keeping your parents’ happy that you forgot Riya’s happiness!
Beta, I am not one of those weak mothers, who would tell their daughters to suffer the abuse in silence. I am not one of those parents, who won’t encourage their daughters to stand against the abuse. I am not scared of what people will say, the only thing that matters to me is my daughter’s happiness. It was because of her happiness, that we agreed to your marriage in the first place. But, if you couldn’t keep her happy, then it’s not our fault that your marriage is falling apart!
When your parents forced Riya to quit her career to become a housewife; when your parents forced Riya to become a mother even when she wasn’t ready; when your parents yelled at Riya for not being sanskaari enough, what did you do? You just stood silently and asked Riya to adjust. Every time, she was made to feel not good enough, you asked her to let it go!
It’s been a year now and my daughter is still living with us. And, while she and our son-in-law are working on their relationship, we, as parents have made sure that we support our daughter fully. It is heartbreaking how Indian husbands refuse to stand against their parents when they abuse their wives; it is heartbreaking how parents are blamed for breaking marriages just because they refuse to let their daughters suffer the abuse in silence.
Dear Society, if you want to blame me for powering my daughter to stand for herself; if you want to blame me for encouraging my daughter to move out of toxic marriage; if you want to blame me for telling my daughter that she can’t keep suffering abuse for the rest of her life, then please blame me. Because as a mother, I don’t care about what you say. Standing for my daughter’s happiness is not about breaking her marriage.; It’s rather stopping people from breaking her!