“We are looking for a girl who understands what marriage is. Someone who has been raised with family values; Someone who respects elders and understands the importance of husband!
Today’s girls don’t understand how to adjust and compromise in marriage! They don’t know how to follow the rules of family and have no respect for their husbands!
Our culture talks about how husbands are no less than God. Pati Parmeshwar!! But today’s girls treat today’s men no less than a cook or a cleaner!! We want a simple girl who has good family values”, boy’s mother tells my mother as we met for the arranged marriage meeting.”
Before you reach to any conclusion, the to-be groom’s mother was a PHD and a professor in reputed college. But irrespective of her education background, she still holds regressive and patriarchal mind-set. She was looking for a bride who treats her son no less than a God; She wanted a daughter-in-law to raise her son; She had issues with the idea of men equally participating in household chores; She was fine as long as women clean and cook for the family, but had major issues if the men do the same for the family!
It breaks my heart how even today’s educated and progressive families want working, educated women, who treat husbands as gods and don’t demand equality. While many families may not be so vocal but everyone wants an educated woman who doesn’t raise her voice against abuse or regressive traditions; who silently suffer abuse with a huge smile on her face in public!
After meeting almost 25 different families, I am saddened how my parents regret their daughter’s education; how they tell me to accept regressive mind-set and learn that men are more important in marriage than women and get married! I am broken that people regard accepting abuse and in-equality as a meter to measure family values.
For being straightforward and progressive, I have been labelled as uncultured or unsanskaari. I deserved all the bad names, because even after being a part of patriarchal society, I refuse to put her husband on a pedestal and worship him like a God.
I have disappointed many families because I asked for equality in marriage. If I am expected to know how to wash clothes, so should the boy! If I am expected to make gol rotis, so should the boy! If I am expected to learn how to treat him and his parents with respect, so should the boy!
It is a sign of regressive society that expects women to treat their husbands like Gods and worship them! Men and women are equal and if you accept anything different then you are a fool who needs a progressive mindset.
I am still looking for an alliance, where they could accept a strong and confident woman; who are not scared of woman demanding equality. And, for those who are trying to find an educated woman, who is ready to be treated less, then here is a short note for them:
Dear regressive and patriarchal society, Please don’t knock my doors. You won’t find a woman, who treats Pati As parmeshwar!