“Bad times are here. These days thousands of marriages are breaking up. The reason being today’s girls don’t want to adjust. In our times, we used to make so many adjustments and compromises for the sake of marriage, kids, and families but today’s girls are so selfish and self-centered. They don’t want to cook for their families anymore; they don’t want to clean their houses; they don’t want to raise their kids on their own! For everything, they need help and support! They are so pampered by their husbands but still keep complaining!”, my mother-in-law tells her friend as she shares the news about her son’s divorce!
Her friends’ son not only emotionally but also physically abused his wife. But, does that even matter? For Indian society, it is always women’s fault. It is always women’s fault that marriage didn’t work out. – “Why doesn’t she adjust?” “Why doesn’t she compromise a bit?” “Why doesn’t she stay in the abusive marriage for the sake of kids?” Why?
Other than the fact that society demands women to keep suffering in pain, what makes it sadder is the fact that how these questions are being asked by the women themselves!
Many women blame women for the increasing number of broken marriages. They blame parents for making daughters so independent that they don’t feel the need to stick in (abusive) marriage anymore! They will narrate how their generation of women were okay to suffer in silence and still stick to the abusive and toxic marriage for kids. They will have no qualms in sharing how women shouldn’t be so financially independent and educated that they don’t feel the need to stick to abusive husbands!
Nowhere, they would discuss how society needs to raise better men! They won’t discuss how we need to make our sons learn how to respect and live with strong and independent women! Rather than applauding the courage of these strong women, who refused to suffer at the hands of abusive husbands; who are standing for themselves and the future generations of women, we tend to blame them! We blame them for breaking their marriages. We blame them for moving out of abusive marriage!
We don’t blame men; We don’t ask questions like – Why did he abuse? Why didn’t he respect his wife? Rather we ask – Why didn’t she adjust?
Since time immemorial, we are asking women to adjust and compromise in marriage! We expect a woman to be so selfless that she sacrifices her whole life in name of raising a family! While we have a huge level of expectations from women, we have none from our men!
As the times are changing and many women are raising their voices against abusive and toxic marriages, our society is unable to take it. It can’t accept that women are demanding equality in marriages! It can’t accept women refusing to sacrifice themselves for kids and family! It can’t accept how women can even think of moving out of marriage because that’s what apparently only men can do! It can’t accept how women can demand equality and respect in marriage!
Dear Society, stop blaming women for increasing number of broken marriage. Rather than blaming them, blame yourself for raising men who couldn’t respect these independent women; who couldn’t accept these strong women; who couldn’t see them as equal partners. For the last time, dear society, strong and independent women are not the problem. You are!